I know I said pictures... But I hate pictures. I've always hated pictures. And when they had to happen you bet I read up on all the tricks to make one look slightly less fat. It's not just camera shy... it's camera; omg get it the hell away from me.
and I know that a before and after shot would probably be good for my self esteem, but I'm terrified to death that I wouldn't see the change... that It wouldn't look like change.
There's always pictures of people in their spandex underwear and such... I don't really have those, and well the beyond the fear that I won't see any change is just the fact that I'm starting to see myself as the fat girl again. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm fat, no illusions, but... when I was 310lbs it took a lot of work to not hate everything about the way I looked. And then, I started loosing weight. It was incredible. I started thinking, "hey, look, less back fat" or... "check that shit out, clavicles." I even started to think, I'm getting kinda sexy.
I even had a hilarious moment when I was at a coffee shop, and looked to my profile. I was like... holy shit has my ass always stuck out that much, and then I was like wait.. it sticks out because my back is getting flatter... THAT'S AWESOME!
But lately, I'm back to the 310lb fat girl... I've lost the ability to see the changes... and I find myself working really hard to realize that I'm missing 80lbs. I'm finding it hard to not hate everything about my body again. I'm even finding it hard to believe that I'll loose more weight. ... woot emotional confessions.
So the long and short of it is right now... No pictures.
But...
Measurements... (In inches)
Chest: 46.5
Arms: 15
Thighs: 26.5
Calf: 19
Waste: 43
Hips: 51
Congrats to me, I'm a pear shape. But that's okay, pears are delicious. We'll see what those are in 21 days.
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