Okay, so my devastating lack of substantial weight loss put into perspective... thanks to an encouraging boyfriend, and a few encouraging words from a friend, and some seperation from the numbers this morning has me realizing that a) if I get on the scale in a few days once my body's back to... no periodness... I will have probably dropped more weight. I just... I wanted to be 100lbs down when I came back home to van. That being said, I'm 97.5lbs down. So fuck yeah.
I've also made another goal for the next 21 days... mostly as an experiement just to see if it can be done. I'm going try to avoid corn products. So, corn syrup, high fructos corn syrup, fructose/glucose, dextros, monotextrin, I mean the list goes on and on and on. I'm also going to look up any additive I don't know. Sugar is hiding everywhere. Although... thinking about this... this goal starts April 8th... after my trip... quite frankly I want to be aware of what I'm eating... but I also want to enjoy myself.
I'm sure this will result in some weight loss, but it's not so much a weightloss goal as it is an experiment to see if it can be done... so much of our foods have some processing element involved in them. It's an experiment to what it actually is possible to eat, if one is trying to avoid it. I'm well aware things like pop are out, I don't really drink it anywyas. But, any one ever look at lables of butter, or margerine, or honey? Ever look at bread lables, beyond the wholeweat bit? Or even something as seemingly benign as worshtershire sauce, or even mustard (both of which are allowed on most diets.
anyways, feeling better now...
love you all
Dee
Friday, March 25, 2011
Alright, so... with my period.. yes I'm sharing because I'm tempted to believe that I've lost more weight than the scale is saying.. I'm 213lbs even. I want to believe that's more because that's only 4.5lbs gone in 21 days.
March 4:
Chest 44.5 (-1)
Arms 14 (-.25)
Thigh 26 (no change... grrr)
Calf 18 (no change... grrr)
Wast 39 (-2)
Hips 47 (-2)
Today Measurements
Chest 44 (-.5)
waste 38.25 (-.75)
hips 46 (-1)
thighs 25 (-1)
calf 17.25 (-.75)
arm 14 (-.25)
So... down 4.25 inches... and... at least 4.5 lbs okay, I know it's a loss, but I'm so not happy. And while.. okay, it's probably not the best thing to be jumping on the scale 2 times a day... not jumping on the scale once a day, just made me afraid to go on it today. So where's the happy medium. And fears justified.
screw it... going one ... in the morning... as I want... no more than once a day...
also... no diet goals this 21... I've been a little bummed out the last little while... over tired and counting down my days till vaca... (i fly out in 5 btw)... so... my goals for this 21 stretch are to do something kind for myself every day.
I read a book... "when you eat at the refrigerator pull up a chair" I recommend it to anyone who has feeling fat days. I am doing one thing out of her book every day. Maybe it will help recharge me.
grr
love you all
D
March 4:
Chest 44.5 (-1)
Arms 14 (-.25)
Thigh 26 (no change... grrr)
Calf 18 (no change... grrr)
Wast 39 (-2)
Hips 47 (-2)
Today Measurements
Chest 44 (-.5)
waste 38.25 (-.75)
hips 46 (-1)
thighs 25 (-1)
calf 17.25 (-.75)
arm 14 (-.25)
So... down 4.25 inches... and... at least 4.5 lbs okay, I know it's a loss, but I'm so not happy. And while.. okay, it's probably not the best thing to be jumping on the scale 2 times a day... not jumping on the scale once a day, just made me afraid to go on it today. So where's the happy medium. And fears justified.
screw it... going one ... in the morning... as I want... no more than once a day...
also... no diet goals this 21... I've been a little bummed out the last little while... over tired and counting down my days till vaca... (i fly out in 5 btw)... so... my goals for this 21 stretch are to do something kind for myself every day.
I read a book... "when you eat at the refrigerator pull up a chair" I recommend it to anyone who has feeling fat days. I am doing one thing out of her book every day. Maybe it will help recharge me.
grr
love you all
D
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Feeling a little down the last couple of days
I don't know what it is really, but I've felt a little down the last couple of days. I wrote a list of all the things I want to fix in my life and it feels almost overwhelming... to be honest.
But I think I'm going to star with feeling inspired to do one kind thing for myself every day. But even that seems monumental because it takes time, and my biggest challenge is lack of time. But maybe the little time to be kind to myself will help me get motivated again. We'll see.
Cheers all
D
But I think I'm going to star with feeling inspired to do one kind thing for myself every day. But even that seems monumental because it takes time, and my biggest challenge is lack of time. But maybe the little time to be kind to myself will help me get motivated again. We'll see.
Cheers all
D
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Good news... and .. Well I cheated too
So the good news.... I'm really not the big fan of chocolate anymore. Friday, cheat day, bought a little pack of minnie eggs, cause my god, walking into my store they've been driving me nuts. But... when I actually ate a few... too sweet, didn't even finish the little pack, my co-worker did. I was just in... take'em or leave'em mode. I've NEVER been like that with chocolate. I was a food hider when it came to chocolate. It's a bit of a shock... I gotta say.
And... Saturday, the day that wasn't my cheat day, was a shitty day. No energy, just blah feeling, and I got insulted by a customer (Wind customer accused me of being raciest and insulted my weight). So... I did it, I had a peanut butter cup (cause despite not being a huge chocoholic anymore, I still love pb) and 3 croissants. I gave into my emotional eating habit, and yesterday I was all like... I know what I'm doing, I know why I'm doing... and I'm not gonna feel bad about it. I didn't yesterday. Seeing it written down now I kinda do. On the one hand, I havn't given into my emotional eating habit in well over a month, prior. And I didn't delude myself in it. But, I could have just said no and done up some veggies in garlic and cheated with some butter. So... take it as you will, Saturday, I actually off scheduled cheated.
Today is a new day though. Bloody time change though, I swear I'm moving to Sask... wait... no... never mind that. But really this whole daylight savings time thing is just stupid. So, tired as crap, even forgot my ready to go tea on the counter this morning. I got through the day, no cravings to cheat. Bought a white tea from the Bux at Rexall, and went to Kingsways after work, and ignored a cinnabon... hmm the smell. Anyways. Today is a good day, for diets anyways.
I've also discovered my new favorite store. Teaopia. If anyone wants to get me a presant... gift cards. My god, I'm drinking so much tea lately it's hippie like. ... Or... I don't know do hippies drink tea? Its my new go to drink, and it's getting to be about three cups a day. And it's not all caffinated green or white tea, I found this wonderful herbal tea... hmm blackberry vanilla. Anyways, Teaopia has a ton of tea toys I'm saving for... I've decided, and I'm gonna try this Yerba mate stuff... supposed to be even more packed with everything good for than green tea.
Anyways
Salmon for dinner with some roated veg
don't have to get up early for work.
Life is pretty good.
Luv ya
D
And... Saturday, the day that wasn't my cheat day, was a shitty day. No energy, just blah feeling, and I got insulted by a customer (Wind customer accused me of being raciest and insulted my weight). So... I did it, I had a peanut butter cup (cause despite not being a huge chocoholic anymore, I still love pb) and 3 croissants. I gave into my emotional eating habit, and yesterday I was all like... I know what I'm doing, I know why I'm doing... and I'm not gonna feel bad about it. I didn't yesterday. Seeing it written down now I kinda do. On the one hand, I havn't given into my emotional eating habit in well over a month, prior. And I didn't delude myself in it. But, I could have just said no and done up some veggies in garlic and cheated with some butter. So... take it as you will, Saturday, I actually off scheduled cheated.
Today is a new day though. Bloody time change though, I swear I'm moving to Sask... wait... no... never mind that. But really this whole daylight savings time thing is just stupid. So, tired as crap, even forgot my ready to go tea on the counter this morning. I got through the day, no cravings to cheat. Bought a white tea from the Bux at Rexall, and went to Kingsways after work, and ignored a cinnabon... hmm the smell. Anyways. Today is a good day, for diets anyways.
I've also discovered my new favorite store. Teaopia. If anyone wants to get me a presant... gift cards. My god, I'm drinking so much tea lately it's hippie like. ... Or... I don't know do hippies drink tea? Its my new go to drink, and it's getting to be about three cups a day. And it's not all caffinated green or white tea, I found this wonderful herbal tea... hmm blackberry vanilla. Anyways, Teaopia has a ton of tea toys I'm saving for... I've decided, and I'm gonna try this Yerba mate stuff... supposed to be even more packed with everything good for than green tea.
Anyways
Salmon for dinner with some roated veg
don't have to get up early for work.
Life is pretty good.
Luv ya
D
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Some habits...
Alright, so water check.. walked about 8000 steps yesterday... my ped got rest at one point... and who knows how often that happened... ANYWAYS. That's not the challenge...
All I want to do today is step on the scale. It's been almost a full week. I practically feel itchy for it. Sigh, some habits are harder to break than other's I guess. Sigh. Part of me wants to just say f it... but what if the numbers havn't gone down, then I'll just be sad, and stressed.... lordy.
So.. no, battary stays out till the 25th... that's only 16 days... I can go 16 more days...
I can...
Luv u
D
All I want to do today is step on the scale. It's been almost a full week. I practically feel itchy for it. Sigh, some habits are harder to break than other's I guess. Sigh. Part of me wants to just say f it... but what if the numbers havn't gone down, then I'll just be sad, and stressed.... lordy.
So.. no, battary stays out till the 25th... that's only 16 days... I can go 16 more days...
I can...
Luv u
D
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Trigger foods...
So, I've been seeing these key words start to pop up with weightless psychology more and more. Trigger foods is one of them. Yeah yeah, I'm into A&E's Heavy and it was on there.
For a moment I almost related to the girl who was going nuts over her peanut butter. I used think okay.. chocolate... trigger food. And... yeah, If you give me a chocolate bar, I'm gonna munch... but if last friday was an indication of my chocolate habits... I don't think it's chocolate. I think... I can say no to it now... just have some.. not all in one sitting...
Peanut butter... it my ultimate trigger food. Peanut butter and peanuts. I'll be the first to admit if you gave me a jar of kraft, a knife, and some crackers, I would probably skip the crackers.
So now my question... WTF? Peanut butter? What is it about it? Hmmm...
Anyways. Again, feeling good, skipped the scale. Got in my water (4 cups in the form of herbal tea, but no caffein so I think that counts). My vits, Ohh and I hit 7894 steps today.. so yay to that. It was a little easier to stay off the scale today... but don't get me wrong... I thought about it... lord all mighty god I thought about it.
I like to know what the damage is on my cheat days... and check to see how fast I loose it. But getting on the scale 2 times a day dose me no good either. And to be fair, I didn't even think about the scale until I was walk towards the bus. I couldn't help but think about it. Wondering If Ive lost any lbs, wondering if I've gained any. You can all see why I took the batteries out right? Weight loss and getting healthy is one thing, but part of me is scared about developing OCD about it.
I must say Andrew's been really good too. We've alway texted or told each other.. ya down two lbs or, this is my weight for today... to hear a good job, or celibrate. He hasn't told me once since I told him I'm not getting on the scale for the 21 days.
I had to talk myself out of eating a chease scone today... had an emotional coffee after work. Yay I have mommy issues.. who couldn't have guessed that. It was a good coffee though... it was... but, I had to talk myself out of a scone. My room mate had given it to me, and I was saving it for friday, but forgot to eat it. Part of me was like... ohh waste. Part of me was like.. it's not going to hurt. Then the strong bitchy part of me was like.. .WTF? you are seriously considering ruining your diet for some stale bread? Sigh
I don't know where it comes from. FYI I didn't eat the scone. Had salmon and a few nuts when I got home. Hmm Salmon.
I've been thinking of going to the doctors and having my cholestoral and blood sugar levels tested. Might be nice to know where I'm at.
I think I'm gonna watch Bambie tonight. Go randome.
Need to do laundry, and clean tomorrow. It's also my six month anaversery... Love you Andrew..
yeah I'm mushy now.. deal with it.
Luv ya all
D
For a moment I almost related to the girl who was going nuts over her peanut butter. I used think okay.. chocolate... trigger food. And... yeah, If you give me a chocolate bar, I'm gonna munch... but if last friday was an indication of my chocolate habits... I don't think it's chocolate. I think... I can say no to it now... just have some.. not all in one sitting...
Peanut butter... it my ultimate trigger food. Peanut butter and peanuts. I'll be the first to admit if you gave me a jar of kraft, a knife, and some crackers, I would probably skip the crackers.
So now my question... WTF? Peanut butter? What is it about it? Hmmm...
Anyways. Again, feeling good, skipped the scale. Got in my water (4 cups in the form of herbal tea, but no caffein so I think that counts). My vits, Ohh and I hit 7894 steps today.. so yay to that. It was a little easier to stay off the scale today... but don't get me wrong... I thought about it... lord all mighty god I thought about it.
I like to know what the damage is on my cheat days... and check to see how fast I loose it. But getting on the scale 2 times a day dose me no good either. And to be fair, I didn't even think about the scale until I was walk towards the bus. I couldn't help but think about it. Wondering If Ive lost any lbs, wondering if I've gained any. You can all see why I took the batteries out right? Weight loss and getting healthy is one thing, but part of me is scared about developing OCD about it.
I must say Andrew's been really good too. We've alway texted or told each other.. ya down two lbs or, this is my weight for today... to hear a good job, or celibrate. He hasn't told me once since I told him I'm not getting on the scale for the 21 days.
I had to talk myself out of eating a chease scone today... had an emotional coffee after work. Yay I have mommy issues.. who couldn't have guessed that. It was a good coffee though... it was... but, I had to talk myself out of a scone. My room mate had given it to me, and I was saving it for friday, but forgot to eat it. Part of me was like... ohh waste. Part of me was like.. it's not going to hurt. Then the strong bitchy part of me was like.. .WTF? you are seriously considering ruining your diet for some stale bread? Sigh
I don't know where it comes from. FYI I didn't eat the scone. Had salmon and a few nuts when I got home. Hmm Salmon.
I've been thinking of going to the doctors and having my cholestoral and blood sugar levels tested. Might be nice to know where I'm at.
I think I'm gonna watch Bambie tonight. Go randome.
Need to do laundry, and clean tomorrow. It's also my six month anaversery... Love you Andrew..
yeah I'm mushy now.. deal with it.
Luv ya all
D
Saturday, March 5, 2011
quick rant before bed
So, out of curiosity I decided to look up food addiction. I already know I'm an emotional eater, and I'm braking that cycle. I was curious about the addiction bit. I can admit I was there. I used to hide food... food I know were embarrassing to be caught eating. I used to binge eat, I would try to purge though various ways... I used to do a lot of things on the addiction list. But... I don't know, since I've make the choices, since I've stood here and said, No... I can do this... I don't. I said no to chocolate for 21 days strait. For more than the last three months, I've said... no I'm not letting this shitty emotional situation ruin my damn diet. Do I need to constantly work at it? You bet your ass I do... But I did it.
So when I read "The physiological and psychological dependency of food can be broken when the individual recognizes that they are powerless to combat it alone" I nearly shit bricks.... okay the rest of this goes on about how God helps the helpless and all that... and people who have that leval of faith... well it's a beautiful thing. But don't you dare tell me I am powerless to change MY life. I was honestly thinking... and have been for a bit... since my mom went loopy because of her own addiction and I went to an alanon family thing, that Maybe... MAYBE, I should look into this food addiction thing... maybe talking would help.. If I'm going to sit there and be told that I... I Am POWERLESS? Kiss My Shrinking Ass. And what a terrible message to tell to people... You are powerless to fight your addiction on your own? Why not be EMpowered by God's love to fight this? Maybe some people need it. I don't want to judge the people getting help with their addiction. I'm critizising the people running these groups... No wonder people have the idea that they've tried everything and fail... if the message is you are powerless to change on your own... well... fine then...
... this...
Ga..
Alright.. ranting makes me sleepy...
powerless my shrinking ass...
Love you
D
So when I read "The physiological and psychological dependency of food can be broken when the individual recognizes that they are powerless to combat it alone" I nearly shit bricks.... okay the rest of this goes on about how God helps the helpless and all that... and people who have that leval of faith... well it's a beautiful thing. But don't you dare tell me I am powerless to change MY life. I was honestly thinking... and have been for a bit... since my mom went loopy because of her own addiction and I went to an alanon family thing, that Maybe... MAYBE, I should look into this food addiction thing... maybe talking would help.. If I'm going to sit there and be told that I... I Am POWERLESS? Kiss My Shrinking Ass. And what a terrible message to tell to people... You are powerless to fight your addiction on your own? Why not be EMpowered by God's love to fight this? Maybe some people need it. I don't want to judge the people getting help with their addiction. I'm critizising the people running these groups... No wonder people have the idea that they've tried everything and fail... if the message is you are powerless to change on your own... well... fine then...
... this...
Ga..
Alright.. ranting makes me sleepy...
powerless my shrinking ass...
Love you
D
TGFCH
So, Fridays are my designated cheat days. I know it sounds off to have a cheat day, but there are some very good reasons for it.
1) If you do reduce your caloric intake, your body will become accustom to that new intake and run efficiently on it, rather than continue to burn fat to make up the difference. You mess with your body a little, give it some extra calories once in a while and it can't become use to what you put in.
2) Everyone cheats on their diets, rather then go through the guilt or justification, just schedule it.
3) Since I am doing a slow carb/low carb diet, it's important to get the carbohydrates in at least once a week so I don't go fucking crazy.
Thank God it was my cheat day yesterday... what a mess at work, tech support, theft, mess... blah.
Anyways. Yesterday I took the batteries out of my scale. I am determined to break that addiction/habit of getting on it at least once a day. Yeah I was great seeing the numbers go down kinda consistently, but feeling like shit because they didn't, or heaven forbid went up 1/2 a lb... my god.
I woke up this morning and fought with myself about putting the batteries back in... "out of curiosity" lordy.
The other thing... I had chocolate yesterday.... I don't feel bad, I made it 21 days with out. I was all happy with myself. It was too sweet... I... I... me a self professed chocoholic... didn't like really like it. I mean I've always had a preference for dark chocolate, but... to out right not like it...
Guys... what's happening to me...
Luv ya
D
1) If you do reduce your caloric intake, your body will become accustom to that new intake and run efficiently on it, rather than continue to burn fat to make up the difference. You mess with your body a little, give it some extra calories once in a while and it can't become use to what you put in.
2) Everyone cheats on their diets, rather then go through the guilt or justification, just schedule it.
3) Since I am doing a slow carb/low carb diet, it's important to get the carbohydrates in at least once a week so I don't go fucking crazy.
Thank God it was my cheat day yesterday... what a mess at work, tech support, theft, mess... blah.
Anyways. Yesterday I took the batteries out of my scale. I am determined to break that addiction/habit of getting on it at least once a day. Yeah I was great seeing the numbers go down kinda consistently, but feeling like shit because they didn't, or heaven forbid went up 1/2 a lb... my god.
I woke up this morning and fought with myself about putting the batteries back in... "out of curiosity" lordy.
The other thing... I had chocolate yesterday.... I don't feel bad, I made it 21 days with out. I was all happy with myself. It was too sweet... I... I... me a self professed chocoholic... didn't like really like it. I mean I've always had a preference for dark chocolate, but... to out right not like it...
Guys... what's happening to me...
Luv ya
D
Friday, March 4, 2011
Day 21! DOWN!
Hey Ladies and gents,
okay, so, I'm bad with keeping up with my blog. I'm bad at not going on the scale, and I'm pretty damn happy about my results this time.
Feb 10 Measurements:
Chest 45.5
Arms 14.25
Thigh 26
Calf 18
Waste 41
hips 49
Today's Measurements:
Chest 44.5 (-1)
Arms 14 (-.25)
Thigh 26 (no change... grrr)
Calf 18 (no change... grrr)
Wast 39 (-2)
Hips 47 (-2)
Total loss in 21 days, 5.25 inches :D Yay! And the scale this morning... 217! WOOOOT I'm down 11.5lbs in 3 weeks. Yay. And what a three week bit its been. My god, in the last three weeks I think I've had a total of 3 days off. I've been running around trying to plan a trip to Vancouver, get in touch with friends and just in general figure shit out. I was getting bad at my goals. I mean I wasn't keep track of water, I wasn't really drinking tea, I wasn't blogging, and I was so tired because my shift were all over the place I wasn't going to the gym... just trying to keep busy so I was moving. I was going on the scale nearly every day. The worst part about that was how upset I was getting when I was going up and down.
I'm taking the battery out of my scale today. I'm not going on again for another 21 days.
And I'm restarting goals today too.
Just three
1. 8 glasses of water and a cup of tea
2. still keeping all the veg, but I want to get one serving of cooked veg
3. use my pedometer and get up to 10,000 steps a day by the end of 21 days. I'm at around 8,000 on a block buster day, 5000 on a rexall day. (I work in a tiny room, so not a lot of walking at rex).
Okay... 4... Do not step on a scale, and to not STRESS about the number. Stress is a killer, I don't need another thing to stress about. If I'm doing healthy things for my body, I shouldn't worry about it. The results will come.
I think those will be managable. I won't get upset with failing because I'm trying to do too much, inbetween keeping up with work, an attempt at a personal life, and any issues coming up. These can just become a part of my regular day.
But somethings I am happy about... 21 days with out chocolate, dispite working at Blockbuster where every time I walk in, I can smell the mini eggs.
I am completely off sugar (sub or otherwise) or creame in my white, green, and herbal teas... I perfer just the flavor of the tea, no additives.
And of course :D 11.5 lbs and 5.25 inches. YAY
So, let's see what the next 21 brings. Next day March 25th... then my trip :D
Luv you guys
D
okay, so, I'm bad with keeping up with my blog. I'm bad at not going on the scale, and I'm pretty damn happy about my results this time.
Feb 10 Measurements:
Chest 45.5
Arms 14.25
Thigh 26
Calf 18
Waste 41
hips 49
Today's Measurements:
Chest 44.5 (-1)
Arms 14 (-.25)
Thigh 26 (no change... grrr)
Calf 18 (no change... grrr)
Wast 39 (-2)
Hips 47 (-2)
Total loss in 21 days, 5.25 inches :D Yay! And the scale this morning... 217! WOOOOT I'm down 11.5lbs in 3 weeks. Yay. And what a three week bit its been. My god, in the last three weeks I think I've had a total of 3 days off. I've been running around trying to plan a trip to Vancouver, get in touch with friends and just in general figure shit out. I was getting bad at my goals. I mean I wasn't keep track of water, I wasn't really drinking tea, I wasn't blogging, and I was so tired because my shift were all over the place I wasn't going to the gym... just trying to keep busy so I was moving. I was going on the scale nearly every day. The worst part about that was how upset I was getting when I was going up and down.
I'm taking the battery out of my scale today. I'm not going on again for another 21 days.
And I'm restarting goals today too.
Just three
1. 8 glasses of water and a cup of tea
2. still keeping all the veg, but I want to get one serving of cooked veg
3. use my pedometer and get up to 10,000 steps a day by the end of 21 days. I'm at around 8,000 on a block buster day, 5000 on a rexall day. (I work in a tiny room, so not a lot of walking at rex).
Okay... 4... Do not step on a scale, and to not STRESS about the number. Stress is a killer, I don't need another thing to stress about. If I'm doing healthy things for my body, I shouldn't worry about it. The results will come.
I think those will be managable. I won't get upset with failing because I'm trying to do too much, inbetween keeping up with work, an attempt at a personal life, and any issues coming up. These can just become a part of my regular day.
But somethings I am happy about... 21 days with out chocolate, dispite working at Blockbuster where every time I walk in, I can smell the mini eggs.
I am completely off sugar (sub or otherwise) or creame in my white, green, and herbal teas... I perfer just the flavor of the tea, no additives.
And of course :D 11.5 lbs and 5.25 inches. YAY
So, let's see what the next 21 brings. Next day March 25th... then my trip :D
Luv you guys
D
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