May Came and went..

Hugh, look at that.. May came and went without a post. It took much longer than I wanted it to, to get out of the aforementioned funk. But, I'm out of the woods.
I've decided to yet again alter my way of thinking. I was miserable only eating protein and veg with the summer in, and things like fresh fruit available EVERYWHERE. So, I'm adding a cheat. Slow carb be damed, I'm having fruit. And So far this week I've been pretty successful. One carb/starch a day doesn't seem to hurt my weight loss. Started Friday at 215.5, and this morning it was 211.5, with a little fruit, and a mid-week cheat meal of spaghetti. I think it's reasonable. And all things considering, I'm an adult, if I wanna choose to eat like shit, I deal with the consiquences. Buy ultamatly it has to be my choice. And that's that. No diet, no book, no nothing but my own knowlege can tell me how to eat in the long run, I have to choose. And if i choose to have a light frapp from starbucks once a week, then that's what I choose.

Anyways... I figured I'd look at some measurments too... while I was at it this morning. I'm going all the way back to January here, looking at my posts, I can't find any more recent once... I think I posted one in Febuary, but, no can find.

SO January Measurements:
chest 46.5
arms 15
thi 26.5
calf 19
wast 43
hips 51


June 2nd Measure
Chest 42.5 (-4)
Arms 13.5 (-1.5)
Thighs 24.5 (-2)
Calf 18 (-1)
waste 38.75 (-4.25)
Hips 46.24 (-4.75)

So since Jan 22, ( a little over 4 months) I have lost over 17 inches.. I'm counting that as a win!

Cheers
D

April Showers and all that Jazz

Okay, so they say April showers bring May flowers. Well I've been through a Sh*tstorm and down pour.
April:
- Andrew dumps me (things are extremely complicated) and the emotional hailstorm therein.
- My mom pulls a ton of crap with the whole moving out thing, like wanting her stuff at all hours of the night, like not contacting us to get a time to come pick things up, like not coming to get her stuff when her and Linda had agreed, like demanding family heirlooms that were willed to me - and she would sell in a heart beat of money got tight and she couldn't afford a purse (bitter much).
- I owe money on my income tax because of issues I have never come up against before
- I'm out two grand because Linda got screwed over with her own medical insurance when she was off sick for surgery (she will pay it back, I know that it's just hurting right now).
And... well... yeah...

So all of this culminated into an attitude that left me miserable, and uncaring towards myself. I am so sick and tired of fighting, and busting myself to the bone, and working so hard for everything and still coming up short. I can't even go out and buy something as stupid as a bike that I have been itching to get for the better part of 2 years. There's always something that comes up, there's always some battle to fight. And For this month, I just stopped caring. You know what that mean? It means I gave little to no care to myself.

So here I am, cranky, tired, miserable, and 214... again.
May first is rolling around, and I am doing 21 days straight of good habits. I want to feel better, have energy again. I am going to figure out a way to make 600-900 bucks fast so I can treat myself for hard bloody work and get my bike. And yeah. (anyone need any work done? lol)
I started to plant my wants garden even before April hit. And well with all the rain I'm just hoping for some sprouts to pop.

This is whats been going on. This is why the blogs stopped for a bit. And. Well... this is me getting accountable again. Tomorrow, measurements. Weight. Day one... all over again.

Cheers
D

Something I'm thinking about

So, woot, cheat day... it's not really a big deal any more. I may revamp my goals. Or start fresh on Sat. This has been a rocky week.

What did I have yesterday,
2 eggs (150)
olive oil (150)
wooster sauce (50)
3 or 4 (I cubed a a small chunk) back bacon (75)
4 oz pork tenderloin (150)
baby carrots (45)
almonds (sahale honey roasted ones) (600)

Giving me a total of about 1220. Give or take. I wanna cook a turkey today... if there's time. That way... More soup broth, lean protein for the week, and it's just easy. And Easy works for me.
It's a question of time. Seeing Andrew today. I want to go to the gym. I have an appointment to get my taxes done.
I could skip the actual work out at the gym. Walk home from the LRT, and do some ball work outs.
I could also go the gym tonight. Gold's is 24 hours.
I could do that. That might work. Cause I know I probably won't do it other wise. And I'm all happy with my progress. So... yeah.
Hmm So much for a day off. I gotta say.

I've been thinking of starting an email news letter with Diet plans, tips, time savers, recipes, that sort of thing. One of my friends out here said that she'd be into helping too. .50 cents an issue, could be rather lucrative.

"New You" in your inbox today :P

Any ways
Wish me luck everyone.
Dee

Woot! 211 this morning!

Alright, so, I hit the scale out of blatant curiosity, yay pay off. 211lbs. That's 1.5 less than when I left for Vancouver, so, any weight gain has come off and then some. Yippee!

My short term goals are, 200 by May 19th, and 196 by June 8th. I know those seem pretty random... but hey... It gives me a solid date to look at.

I kicked my workout's ass.

So, obviously feeling blah today. I had to talk myself into going to the gym... so easy to say, I'll just walk home, I'm going grocery shopping, that'll be my exercise.
SO glad I went. Kicked it's ass. Interval elliptical 28 mins... woot 300 cals burned. And, very happy, I had to go up to more weights for my bench press. Was doing 33, had to go up to 38 to be challenged. 5lbs in 3 workouts... yay! Love seeing results. And for the most part... stuck to my diet. Had 1/2 a cookie. And, aside from pickles, I didn't really get veggies in today. Hmm.. I need to re-work the tomato soup. Upon attempting to eat it today... I realized A) to sweet (i put in a little bit of brown sugar to cut the acid) and B) still too thick. I should have let the onions do their job and left it stewing for a bit I guess. But it's got a nice smokey after taste because I broiled some sun dried tomato bits and they got a little crispy (blackened). And that turned into a good accident. So... maybe after a little more experimenting this might workout. If it does I figured out a tomato soup recipe that's about 50 cals a cup. :)

Don't much feel like delving into personal stuff today. But, things are looking better.

Love you all
Dee

Almost a success...comfort food made its way in...

Dumped.. fucking dumped and as I write this down I'm angry as hell. Because he didn't want to communicate and let something I said fester and piss him off. And I'm Up and down... I really am. Sad, yes. But angry is easier to deal with.
2 hours ago...
So, After just getting dumped, I’m having a strange reaction. It’s not so much the sadness of getting dumped. I’m sad for the times we won’t have. In my mind I was making plans for the summer. For his birthday. For going to Capital Ex together. For driving to BC together. Going camping with him. Those are the saddest things, the things I’m probably going to miss the most. A strange thing, I think I want to keep him in my life. I’d like to be friends. Gaming with him is fun, watching movies is fun. But, I wanted to be that couple at the fair. I wanted so much to show him around Vancouver. I wanted him to show me his home. Part of me isn’t surprised it’s over. No one in my life who knew him liked him. But, Oh I don’t know… this happened less than 2 hours ago so maybe I’m still fresh. I think I need to prepare for the roller coaster.
Now there’s little left to do but clean up, and… Well, that’s it isn’t it. Maybe I’ll make soup tonight.

And now... 4 hours later, after I’ve made soup, so far, I’ve figured out… whenever people who love me ask me how I’m doing… that’s when I start crying… I don’t know why.

I think I can be forgiven for going into comfort food mode. Chinese for dinner courtesy of Linda

At last Success!

Alright, So I am on day 2. Day one, rockin' success. Day two, again success. Although, I've decided I hate eggs without catchup. I ran out before my vaca to Van, and still haven't bothered to replace it. I'm sure if I read the ingredients some sort of soy or corn product would be in there. Thinking of making my own to be honest. I have an obscene amount of tomato paste. I'm also thinking of making some tomato soup. Hmmm, soup. The question, what to put in it. Ever read the ingredients lists on soup? Blah.
But, slow roasted onion and herb tomato soup sounds kinda good. Hmmm... If I wasn't so tired I'd be feeling the need to experiment.
But speaking of soup, made the best roasted veggie chicken soup last night. SOOO good. I'm not sure what to think of the fact that I love my cooking. I'm just gonna enjoy.
Maybe one day I'll just give up the goat and write a cook book. Hmmmmm. I should start writing this down to be fair. But I cheated a little. I bought two of those rotisserie chickens the night I came back from Van, I knew I wouldn't want to cook over the weekend considering it was, open, open, open + hell day (Worked both jobs), open again. So, I decide to strip the chicken from the bone, Linda boiled the heck out of the carcasses and the broth was great. I roasted up some veggies and used some of the chicken breast.. and wow. SO good. Hmmm soup.
Now I wanna make that tomato soup. *Looks at the clock* Maybe wed.

Any hoo, I'm able to keep my days to about 1000 ish calories, give or take. I think that's probably okay, considering I'm still gonna be throwing in a cheat day. I think I'm gonna need to pick up some butter so I can do some baking, and have decent cookies on Friday. I still love the Safeway cookies... but the ingredient list is like... 4inches long. Sigh.
Actually on the bright side, Andrew and I are going wandering on Whyte Ave tomorrow night. There's a planet organic there. Maybe I can pick up some healthy treats and ignore them until Friday.

I also have a new weight goal to obtain in the next two months (160 is my long term goal). I'm aiming for 196 in two months. At that weight I will no longer be in the obese category of the bmi! Two months. 196. That should be pretty reasonable. I'm also planning a trip to my doctor. I'd love to find out my cholesterol numbers. And a few other things.

Anyhoo
Cheers everyone!

Garbage is a nice way of putting it

So today, it's like a hangover mixed with pms. I'm gassy, bloated, and have raging heart burn. I'm blaming the lousy cookies. I know I get like this, I do. I know when I eat excessively bad I feel like garbage. And yet, it's barely enough to motivate me to stop. Kinda sad huh? Also today, tired as all heck, and cranky too. A few issues at work and a cranky customer didn't help matters at all. And a few drunk texts gave me a wake up at 1:30 am. Couldn't fall back asleep, so, that's really not helping. I'm gonna be at work forever and a half tonight. Gar... I added some chicken and an egg to breakfast, putting me at about 1000 cals for the day, provided I eat what I brought to work for lunch... I feel like such a pile of mushy, gelatenous, bloated unhappy, I don't know that I want to eat. I always hate bloogging like this. Makes me feel like some self indulgent teenager. Blah, Blah, Blah, whine, whine, whine. I don't mean to be like this... I'm just playing the self pitty I feel like ick game. Gah. Tomorrow, happier... Promise Cheers D

Apparently day one starts tomorrow

Dorian brought cookies. If he had bought a bag of chocolate, or chips, I could have resisted. But no, he brought Safeway cookies. Safeway cookies are amazing. Also, I read the ingredients on Margarine; soy lectin. Whatever that is. It's an additive, exactly what I want to avoid. So, eggs will be cooked with olive oil from now on. Blah.
It's harder to do it the second time around. I can say that much. Tempted, tempted, tempted. So, today, I gave in. M&M cookie. And those bruisers are not small. And they are generous on something cause the calorie count is insane. I mean, all cookies are bad, but 270 per? I think I've made bigger meals with less calories. I did go to the gym, so, yay. I have that to be happy about. Alright, let's be honest with what I ate today.

3 scrambled eggs (240)
1/2 tbs marg (45)
2.5 cups lettuce (25)
Dressing, (home made balsamic vinaigrette) (90)
4oz chicken (147) (breast no skin)
1 cup baby carrots (30)
1 cup cauliflower (25)
M&M cookie (270)
Chocolate Chip Cookie (270)
Double chocolate chip cookie (270) (Yup... I ate three, self control out the window)
chicken leg with thigh (232) (I bought two of those rotisserie chickens so I wouldn't have to cook when I got home for a few meals, and make chicken broth when I was done with them)
2 cups snap peas (70)
Olive oil (80)

Grand total: 1794
My bmr is approx 2000
Exercise approx -200
Which still gives me a total calorie deficit of -406 calories.

So, when I do the math... I feel slightly less bad about coming in under 2000 cals, but still feel like a tool for eating the cookies. The first one was because I was starving, the second one was because I gave into my lousy emotional eating (my mom, the bat-crap crazy one, used my phone number as her contact number... I think I'm justified in changing my number), and the third, well that one I just wanted. So, yeah tool.
If you can't tell... guess what I'm doing.. that's right, food journal! Woot (dripping with sarcasm). Ah well, I'm looking at this and feeling more than slightly embarrassed about my cookie debacle, and I just felt stupid this morning for not reading the label for the marg. All in all, I fail, with an added derp moment.
Tomorrow is another day. At the gym I did a good solid interval run/walk for 30 mins, and weights. Happy about that.

If all goes as predicted, and I have no opportunity to cheat,

2 scrambled eggs (145)
Olive oil (40)
3 cups lettuce (30)
chicken breast (147)
Dressing (90)
3 pickles (9)
2 cups baby carrots (60)
1 cup cauliflower (25)
4 hard boiled eggs (312)

= 852. Now I'm thinking I may want to pick up some nuts to make up for the calorie deficit. This honestly a pain in the tuck-us. I need to worry about intake no matter what I do. Too many and of the wrong thing = fat. To few no matter what it is = starvation mode = fat. Lord. Grrr. Okay, I'll grab some peanuts on the way into work... or the way home from work... or maybe I'll just worry about it sunday. Grumbles. HELP!

Love ya'll
Dee

back and rightfully scared of my scale

Hey all,
Well I'm back from my fantastic trip to Vancouver, and what a wonderful time I had, connecting with friends, family, and...food. I cheated... and how. I had the lofty goal of not being absolutely terrible on my trip. But alas, that didn't go so well. I had a few good meals. I opted for salad, veggies, and lean proteins where I could. But, there were a few extra starches here and there, some indulgences at Starbucks, soy chi lattes, and this amazing peanut butter chocolate pie. OMG worth it.
So now, I am taking a friend's advices (Steph's as usual - she's good at it) and I'm not going on the scale till next Friday. I'm going back on my protein and veggie plan hard, and I have the lofty goal of cutting soy and corn additives for the next 21 days. That pretty much eliminates 90% of what's in the grocery stores. No Kraft peanut butter for 21 days... that's for sure. It means no to a lot of things, and on my cheat days, it means fruit and home baking. I tried to do no processed foods, but then the debate became what counts as a processed food. I'd personally like to think whole wheat flour and coco (actual baker's coco) powder is not considered a processed food, but that could just be wishful thinking so I can make cookies on my cheat day. I personally think of processed foods as those "foods" with more additives in the ingredients list than real food, but Andrew argued grinding coco nibs is a process... ergo processed food. Please feel free to weigh in. I mean he's right, but, I'd personally like to be able to eat natural peanut butter and make cookies for Fridays.
So... day 1 of 21 starts tomorrow... No starting weight.. or measurements. It'll just have to be based on my last. Although I'll be on the scale next Friday... so that will be something to go on. I'm also gonna do a detox... see how that goes. I've never done one before, so we'll see how that goes.

I had a moment while reading a running mag... I've lost like 100lbs. My body must be so fecking happy. :)

Okay, so goals:
Water (I fell outta the habit) 8 glasses
No corn/soy additives.
No more grazing while making lunch/dinner. I'm bad for that.

Cheers All
D

feeling a little better...

Okay, so my devastating lack of substantial weight loss put into perspective... thanks to an encouraging boyfriend, and a few encouraging words from a friend, and some seperation from the numbers this morning has me realizing that a) if I get on the scale in a few days once my body's back to... no periodness... I will have probably dropped more weight. I just... I wanted to be 100lbs down when I came back home to van. That being said, I'm 97.5lbs down. So fuck yeah.

I've also made another goal for the next 21 days... mostly as an experiement just to see if it can be done. I'm going try to avoid corn products. So, corn syrup, high fructos corn syrup, fructose/glucose, dextros, monotextrin, I mean the list goes on and on and on. I'm also going to look up any additive I don't know. Sugar is hiding everywhere. Although... thinking about this... this goal starts April 8th... after my trip... quite frankly I want to be aware of what I'm eating... but I also want to enjoy myself.
I'm sure this will result in some weight loss, but it's not so much a weightloss goal as it is an experiment to see if it can be done... so much of our foods have some processing element involved in them. It's an experiment to what it actually is possible to eat, if one is trying to avoid it. I'm well aware things like pop are out, I don't really drink it anywyas. But, any one ever look at lables of butter, or margerine, or honey? Ever look at bread lables, beyond the wholeweat bit? Or even something as seemingly benign as worshtershire sauce, or even mustard (both of which are allowed on most diets.

anyways, feeling better now...
love you all
Dee

Alright, so... with my period.. yes I'm sharing because I'm tempted to believe that I've lost more weight than the scale is saying.. I'm 213lbs even. I want to believe that's more because that's only 4.5lbs gone in 21 days.

March 4:
Chest 44.5 (-1)
Arms 14 (-.25)
Thigh 26 (no change... grrr)
Calf 18 (no change... grrr)
Wast 39 (-2)
Hips 47 (-2)

Today Measurements
Chest 44 (-.5)
waste 38.25 (-.75)
hips 46 (-1)
thighs 25 (-1)
calf 17.25 (-.75)
arm 14 (-.25)

So... down 4.25 inches... and... at least 4.5 lbs okay, I know it's a loss, but I'm so not happy. And while.. okay, it's probably not the best thing to be jumping on the scale 2 times a day... not jumping on the scale once a day, just made me afraid to go on it today. So where's the happy medium. And fears justified.
screw it... going one ... in the morning... as I want... no more than once a day...

also... no diet goals this 21... I've been a little bummed out the last little while... over tired and counting down my days till vaca... (i fly out in 5 btw)... so... my goals for this 21 stretch are to do something kind for myself every day.
I read a book... "when you eat at the refrigerator pull up a chair" I recommend it to anyone who has feeling fat days. I am doing one thing out of her book every day. Maybe it will help recharge me.
grr
love you all
D

Feeling a little down the last couple of days

I don't know what it is really, but I've felt a little down the last couple of days. I wrote a list of all the things I want to fix in my life and it feels almost overwhelming... to be honest.
But I think I'm going to star with feeling inspired to do one kind thing for myself every day. But even that seems monumental because it takes time, and my biggest challenge is lack of time. But maybe the little time to be kind to myself will help me get motivated again. We'll see.

Cheers all
D

Good news... and .. Well I cheated too

So the good news.... I'm really not the big fan of chocolate anymore. Friday, cheat day, bought a little pack of minnie eggs, cause my god, walking into my store they've been driving me nuts. But... when I actually ate a few... too sweet, didn't even finish the little pack, my co-worker did. I was just in... take'em or leave'em mode. I've NEVER been like that with chocolate. I was a food hider when it came to chocolate. It's a bit of a shock... I gotta say.

And... Saturday, the day that wasn't my cheat day, was a shitty day. No energy, just blah feeling, and I got insulted by a customer (Wind customer accused me of being raciest and insulted my weight). So... I did it, I had a peanut butter cup (cause despite not being a huge chocoholic anymore, I still love pb) and 3 croissants. I gave into my emotional eating habit, and yesterday I was all like... I know what I'm doing, I know why I'm doing... and I'm not gonna feel bad about it. I didn't yesterday. Seeing it written down now I kinda do. On the one hand, I havn't given into my emotional eating habit in well over a month, prior. And I didn't delude myself in it. But, I could have just said no and done up some veggies in garlic and cheated with some butter. So... take it as you will, Saturday, I actually off scheduled cheated.

Today is a new day though. Bloody time change though, I swear I'm moving to Sask... wait... no... never mind that. But really this whole daylight savings time thing is just stupid. So, tired as crap, even forgot my ready to go tea on the counter this morning. I got through the day, no cravings to cheat. Bought a white tea from the Bux at Rexall, and went to Kingsways after work, and ignored a cinnabon... hmm the smell. Anyways. Today is a good day, for diets anyways.
I've also discovered my new favorite store. Teaopia. If anyone wants to get me a presant... gift cards. My god, I'm drinking so much tea lately it's hippie like. ... Or... I don't know do hippies drink tea? Its my new go to drink, and it's getting to be about three cups a day. And it's not all caffinated green or white tea, I found this wonderful herbal tea... hmm blackberry vanilla. Anyways, Teaopia has a ton of tea toys I'm saving for... I've decided, and I'm gonna try this Yerba mate stuff... supposed to be even more packed with everything good for than green tea.
Anyways
Salmon for dinner with some roated veg
don't have to get up early for work.
Life is pretty good.

Luv ya
D

Some habits...

Alright, so water check.. walked about 8000 steps yesterday... my ped got rest at one point... and who knows how often that happened... ANYWAYS. That's not the challenge...
All I want to do today is step on the scale. It's been almost a full week. I practically feel itchy for it. Sigh, some habits are harder to break than other's I guess. Sigh. Part of me wants to just say f it... but what if the numbers havn't gone down, then I'll just be sad, and stressed.... lordy.
So.. no, battary stays out till the 25th... that's only 16 days... I can go 16 more days...
I can...

Luv u
D

Trigger foods...

So, I've been seeing these key words start to pop up with weightless psychology more and more. Trigger foods is one of them. Yeah yeah, I'm into A&E's Heavy and it was on there.
For a moment I almost related to the girl who was going nuts over her peanut butter. I used think okay.. chocolate... trigger food. And... yeah, If you give me a chocolate bar, I'm gonna munch... but if last friday was an indication of my chocolate habits... I don't think it's chocolate. I think... I can say no to it now... just have some.. not all in one sitting...
Peanut butter... it my ultimate trigger food. Peanut butter and peanuts. I'll be the first to admit if you gave me a jar of kraft, a knife, and some crackers, I would probably skip the crackers.
So now my question... WTF? Peanut butter? What is it about it? Hmmm...

Anyways. Again, feeling good, skipped the scale. Got in my water (4 cups in the form of herbal tea, but no caffein so I think that counts). My vits, Ohh and I hit 7894 steps today.. so yay to that. It was a little easier to stay off the scale today... but don't get me wrong... I thought about it... lord all mighty god I thought about it.
I like to know what the damage is on my cheat days... and check to see how fast I loose it. But getting on the scale 2 times a day dose me no good either. And to be fair, I didn't even think about the scale until I was walk towards the bus. I couldn't help but think about it. Wondering If Ive lost any lbs, wondering if I've gained any. You can all see why I took the batteries out right? Weight loss and getting healthy is one thing, but part of me is scared about developing OCD about it.
I must say Andrew's been really good too. We've alway texted or told each other.. ya down two lbs or, this is my weight for today... to hear a good job, or celibrate. He hasn't told me once since I told him I'm not getting on the scale for the 21 days.

I had to talk myself out of eating a chease scone today... had an emotional coffee after work. Yay I have mommy issues.. who couldn't have guessed that. It was a good coffee though... it was... but, I had to talk myself out of a scone. My room mate had given it to me, and I was saving it for friday, but forgot to eat it. Part of me was like... ohh waste. Part of me was like.. it's not going to hurt. Then the strong bitchy part of me was like.. .WTF? you are seriously considering ruining your diet for some stale bread? Sigh
I don't know where it comes from. FYI I didn't eat the scone. Had salmon and a few nuts when I got home. Hmm Salmon.
I've been thinking of going to the doctors and having my cholestoral and blood sugar levels tested. Might be nice to know where I'm at.
I think I'm gonna watch Bambie tonight. Go randome.
Need to do laundry, and clean tomorrow. It's also my six month anaversery... Love you Andrew..
yeah I'm mushy now.. deal with it.

Luv ya all
D

quick rant before bed

So, out of curiosity I decided to look up food addiction. I already know I'm an emotional eater, and I'm braking that cycle. I was curious about the addiction bit. I can admit I was there. I used to hide food... food I know were embarrassing to be caught eating. I used to binge eat, I would try to purge though various ways... I used to do a lot of things on the addiction list. But... I don't know, since I've make the choices, since I've stood here and said, No... I can do this... I don't. I said no to chocolate for 21 days strait. For more than the last three months, I've said... no I'm not letting this shitty emotional situation ruin my damn diet. Do I need to constantly work at it? You bet your ass I do... But I did it.
So when I read "The physiological and psychological dependency of food can be broken when the individual recognizes that they are powerless to combat it alone" I nearly shit bricks.... okay the rest of this goes on about how God helps the helpless and all that... and people who have that leval of faith... well it's a beautiful thing. But don't you dare tell me I am powerless to change MY life. I was honestly thinking... and have been for a bit... since my mom went loopy because of her own addiction and I went to an alanon family thing, that Maybe... MAYBE, I should look into this food addiction thing... maybe talking would help.. If I'm going to sit there and be told that I... I Am POWERLESS? Kiss My Shrinking Ass. And what a terrible message to tell to people... You are powerless to fight your addiction on your own? Why not be EMpowered by God's love to fight this? Maybe some people need it. I don't want to judge the people getting help with their addiction. I'm critizising the people running these groups... No wonder people have the idea that they've tried everything and fail... if the message is you are powerless to change on your own... well... fine then...
... this...
Ga..
Alright.. ranting makes me sleepy...
powerless my shrinking ass...

Love you
D

TGFCH

So, Fridays are my designated cheat days. I know it sounds off to have a cheat day, but there are some very good reasons for it.
1) If you do reduce your caloric intake, your body will become accustom to that new intake and run efficiently on it, rather than continue to burn fat to make up the difference. You mess with your body a little, give it some extra calories once in a while and it can't become use to what you put in.
2) Everyone cheats on their diets, rather then go through the guilt or justification, just schedule it.
3) Since I am doing a slow carb/low carb diet, it's important to get the carbohydrates in at least once a week so I don't go fucking crazy.
Thank God it was my cheat day yesterday... what a mess at work, tech support, theft, mess... blah.

Anyways. Yesterday I took the batteries out of my scale. I am determined to break that addiction/habit of getting on it at least once a day. Yeah I was great seeing the numbers go down kinda consistently, but feeling like shit because they didn't, or heaven forbid went up 1/2 a lb... my god.
I woke up this morning and fought with myself about putting the batteries back in... "out of curiosity" lordy.

The other thing... I had chocolate yesterday.... I don't feel bad, I made it 21 days with out. I was all happy with myself. It was too sweet... I... I... me a self professed chocoholic... didn't like really like it. I mean I've always had a preference for dark chocolate, but... to out right not like it...

Guys... what's happening to me...

Luv ya
D

Day 21! DOWN!

Hey Ladies and gents,

okay, so, I'm bad with keeping up with my blog. I'm bad at not going on the scale, and I'm pretty damn happy about my results this time.

Feb 10 Measurements:
Chest 45.5
Arms 14.25
Thigh 26
Calf 18
Waste 41
hips 49

Today's Measurements:
Chest 44.5 (-1)
Arms 14 (-.25)
Thigh 26 (no change... grrr)
Calf 18 (no change... grrr)
Wast 39 (-2)
Hips 47 (-2)

Total loss in 21 days, 5.25 inches :D Yay! And the scale this morning... 217! WOOOOT I'm down 11.5lbs in 3 weeks. Yay. And what a three week bit its been. My god, in the last three weeks I think I've had a total of 3 days off. I've been running around trying to plan a trip to Vancouver, get in touch with friends and just in general figure shit out. I was getting bad at my goals. I mean I wasn't keep track of water, I wasn't really drinking tea, I wasn't blogging, and I was so tired because my shift were all over the place I wasn't going to the gym... just trying to keep busy so I was moving. I was going on the scale nearly every day. The worst part about that was how upset I was getting when I was going up and down.
I'm taking the battery out of my scale today. I'm not going on again for another 21 days.
And I'm restarting goals today too.

Just three
1. 8 glasses of water and a cup of tea
2. still keeping all the veg, but I want to get one serving of cooked veg
3. use my pedometer and get up to 10,000 steps a day by the end of 21 days. I'm at around 8,000 on a block buster day, 5000 on a rexall day. (I work in a tiny room, so not a lot of walking at rex).
Okay... 4... Do not step on a scale, and to not STRESS about the number. Stress is a killer, I don't need another thing to stress about. If I'm doing healthy things for my body, I shouldn't worry about it. The results will come.

I think those will be managable. I won't get upset with failing because I'm trying to do too much, inbetween keeping up with work, an attempt at a personal life, and any issues coming up. These can just become a part of my regular day.

But somethings I am happy about... 21 days with out chocolate, dispite working at Blockbuster where every time I walk in, I can smell the mini eggs.
I am completely off sugar (sub or otherwise) or creame in my white, green, and herbal teas... I perfer just the flavor of the tea, no additives.
And of course :D 11.5 lbs and 5.25 inches. YAY

So, let's see what the next 21 brings. Next day March 25th... then my trip :D

Luv you guys
D

time to make a plan

OKay, I've been bad. I haven't really been keeping up with my blog, or my water, or my vits, or... well anything really. I'm still chocolate free.

I've decided I'm an emotional eater, like so many. Food is a comfort. I know this. Sugar is damn close to a drug. The way you feel when you bite into a chocolate bar.. omg. Hmm
But that does not mean I can't control it. That does not mean I can't recognize my problem, say no and feel pretty good about myself. It comes down to a choice... have a cookie and feel bad for cheating after the momentary satisfaction of said cookie... or don't have a cookie, feel a little deprived, but realize there's a)no such thing as just one cookie and b) that I had the will power to say no. So even though I am... again... going to start on day one, I'm feeling okay about the last few days.

Like I said though, the success of my goals are completely linked to how tired/stressed/busy I am. I did a 8 day stint at work, with one day off, followed by a 6 day stint, with two, and now I'm up for yet another 7 day stint. What's a girl to do. I need to get my water bottles back in the fridge, I need to start on day one all over again. Maybe the water bottles were part of the habit and when I dropped those... I dropped the water. Don't get me wrong, I've stuck to my diet; lean proteins and veggies. Since I'm trying this 4 hour body thing I even had a cheat day. (Still no chocolate on said cheat day). So I'm pretty okay with how my diet is going. I'm just... I don't know... a little frustrated that I haven't really been sticking to my other goals... the green and white tea is not really getting stuck to. Don't get me wrong, I'm having it pretty often, I'm even enjoying this red tea from starbucks. And I'm convinced my taste buds are changing... I don't like sugar in my tea at all. It's not just I can live with out sugar and milk, it's that I actually enjoy it more with out. Go figure.

On an anoying note... my boyfriend's mom doesn't like me. Yay to that bomb dropped on my head. And it's not just that... it's that most people seem to be betting against the success of our relationship. I love him. That's all that I think should matter. March 7th is our six month... We made it past that honey moon part... we've got amazing comunication, we can actually talk about our issues... and really there arn't meany... so why do people feel the need to have an opinion about what we do, and our relationship. Sigh.
It limits the times and places for intimacy... so... blah... anyways

that's my little rant for the day...

Luv u all
D

it's a bloody disease

I need to get back on track ish... my water consumption's gone down. I've been bloated for like three days now and I barely want to put anything in my tummy... but on a ranty note... Obesity is not a FUCKING disease! A fat ass customer at work decided to disagree with me when I started talking about my activities on the internet last night.... Proof stupid is not restricted to the South.
I was on A&E's heavy boards, I love the show, wanted to see if there were any training tips. There was a casting call... and all these desperate obese people praying to get on the show because it's their last hope to conquer their "disease" of obesity. It's a poor lifestyle choice, it's not a disease. Food addiction is a lifestyle choice that is HARD to work through and get over.. but it's a choice... I had a shitty day, I was surrounded by chocolate. I am an emotional eater... I chose not to eat any chocolate. If it was a disease, I would have to. Fine, you have a form of OCD, and maybe that makes you a compulsive eater, or you have a thyroid thing... that's a condition... NOT ALL OBESE people have a disease. If someone came up to me and said my obesity was a disease, I'd slap their face off. I'm making the change, I am changing my lifestyle. I am loosing weight. You wanna say I'm curing myself? No, I'm teaching myself how to life right... and if one more morbidly obese person says their obesity is a disease I'll go up one side and down the other... FUCK THAT SHIT... You are NOT powerless to change who you are, what you look like, how you eat, and HOW YOU LIVE. Choose well and live with it.
Okay.. I'm ranted out...

My new line, I don't play well with stupid.

D

Day one... again.. :(

It is incredible how fast my goal go to shit in direct relation to how tired/busy/worked I am. Yesterday was day seven straight. And I had no food in the house that I could eat (really, there was processed hamburger patties, bacon, and sugary cereal). No eggs, no healthy proteins, no fresh veg... so costco it was. Then I worked. I hate doing that too... That's the one thing that drives me nuts... I hate going out before I work, then coming back, then going back out to go to work. It's just plain annoying.

So it's a shitty excuse, but there you have it... No only did I not follow all my goals because I was tired and busy, (I had everything with me... I just had a crappy day yesterday) I even had a little box of reese peanut butter bites... (Not! the chocolate covered ones... but I'm still wondering if that's a cheat on the no chocolate thing... everyone can weigh in if they want :P). So.. rather than eating the healthy items I brought to work, I bought a box of crap and ate that. Calorically so dense I was too full to eat the good stuff. Go me.

So yesterday:
Didn't drink my water
Didn't eat my veggies
Didn't have all my tea
Didn't have a salad
( I cant remember if I took my vitamins, I think it's that much of a habit.. wake up, swallow)

In fact the only goal I'm sure I stuck to was no chocolate, and no coffee. But as I was making a coffee for my goddmom I was tempted as hell.

So, I guess I'll start fresh today (with everything but the chocolate. Chocolate day is the 4th of March). So, 21 days from today is the 10th of march. I'll do a weigh in and a measure on the 4th. One day shouldn't hurt the waist line... but it does mess with my habit forming... Sigh.

So... yeah
Later guys

Day 7 still chocolate free but... a little down

So, I'm feeling a little down today, I couldn't tell you why if you paid me. I woke up feeling alright, but then as I left the house to go grocery shopping just... meh, down and tired... no energy. Hmmm. I need a rest.
Saturday is coming. One of the girls at work too my shift, mostly for her, but I'm gonna say it was for me. I'm just ragged tired. But Sat, I'm looking at a do nothing day.
Now when I say do nothing.. that's the furthest thing from what it actually is. What a do nothing day really means is I don't have to leave the house if I don't want to.
So Sat, I'll be doing laundry, cooking chile, cleaning my room, cleaning the bird cages, cleaning the litter boxes... etc etc etc. If I can a chance to sit down and rest... it'll be a miracle. But I'm doing everything in my jammies and that's that.

I still need an onion and some peppers. Costco had onions, 4 kgs for 4.99 and that's a great price... but who needs 4kgs of onions? I also want beats. I've been craving beats for a while. Hmm beats. I have no idea why... but beats. It's one of the few.. okay it's the only veggie I can stomach boiled, and it's really sweet for a veg. I had a beat/apple/carrot booster juice a week ago and since, beats have been on the mind.

So I was reading the paper on the bus, and there's an article about a guy who can't cook. I am flabbergasted at the idea that someone can't cook. How can you not know how to cook? Google it! Follow the directions on foodnetwork.com... my god people

V-day success! Chocolate Free!

Alright, so quick post... I was successful in avoiding chocolate on v-day (giving a lot of credit to Andrew here since he didn't get me any) and I got in most of my goals.

In the interests of Shutting Andrew Up I finally borrowed his book The 4 Hour Body. I've never been a fan of low carb diets, I tried atkins and went crazy. But, I can see the appeal. A) he's lost 20 ish lbs in 30 days. B) Tim (can't remember the last name) has a no nonsense style of cutting through the BS. C) despite the way Andrew made it sound, it's not actually a low carb diet plan, so much as a discription of systematic controls and tools, along with a high protine, good carb plan (from what I've read so far).
So maybe I'll see. I'll read through, see what I need to change and go from there. What I'm doing now isn't working as fast as I would like it to in part because I can't comfortably follow it. It requires dairy or diary subsitutes. I'm unconfortable taking a pill every time I want to eat something from a cow, and even more uncomfortable paying the extra costs of lactos free products... and any of the other supstitutes just taste like shite.
So I'll keep reading, and I'll see.
I'll have more posted on this by tomorrow... maybe with more read.

Cheers
D

Day 3, thus far success

So, day two was fun; I was working at Rexall, and one of my managers comes in with a big bowl of you guessed it...Chocolate. Yeah. I was in total fml mode. But... again, I resisted. So very happy with that. And of course green tea and white tea, and diet, and all those other goals accomplished :) But, I almost bought at pudding cake. Don't ask me why, but I almost bought myself and Linda an apple cinnamon cake. The only reason it didn't make it home was I forgot my wallet this morning. My sugar cravings were horrible yesterday. It was like... Sugar nom nom nom... for the most part I resisted. I had a piece of toast with a little bit of honey and cinnamon on it. That did the trick.

I think I'm going to roast a few more almonds tonight before turning in. Honey cinnamon this time.

I've been reading up on the glycemic index, and I think I might try altering my diet a little. I was talking to a cop at rex who doubled as a personal trainer and we got on the subject of weight loss, and he told me that after about 2 weeks of following a low glycemic diet it creates a hormone reaction that makes your body burn fat for energy rather then turn on the insulin to store it, or just burn food for energy. I'm still going to keep to the changes I'm doing down, but I'm thinking of trying to give up breads and starchy foods, and just try out doing the low GI foods. Couldn't hurt, people have been saying for decades to avoid white flower products, and while whole weat bread isnt that high, it's not that low either... But a lot of what I've read says that pasta is a GI product, but the trick is to prepair it al dente, strikingly different than what westerners have been trained to cook and eat it. The worst that will happen... I'll miss bread... the best that will happen, I'll loose more weight and eat healthier.

Anyways, I think the white and green tea is starting to kick in, tonight I'm having this abundant feeling of energy. It's 930 and all I want to do is go jogging... considering my streets are ice rinks, I'll clean my room, change my sheets, and get some stuff ready for tomorrow.

Oh, and Andrew brought me purple flowers at work. I love them... So pretty :D. I'm gonna hit the gym tomorrow, then he's cooking and it's a couple's night. Nice thing too, cause I don't have to be at work till 6 Tuesday. Sucks a little this week, my only day off is sunday.
Hmm.. I need to get to Costco and replenish my veggie supplies. Lordy.

Gym tomorrow, get on the treadmill again. See what's what for jogging. hmm Alright.. new sheets!
Cheers All
D

Day 1... GOOD

Alright, so I'm thrilled with myself on day one of the 21. I spent last night with my boyfriend, and let me first say, I love his mom, she's so sweet. He has a cheat day every week, and fridays are just that. And she's aware. So we head upstairs to head to West Ed for a cancer fundraising even, and what dose she hand me and Andrew? One of those lovely little Lint three packs of those absolutely glorious chocolate balls with the gooey creamy chocolate in the centre. Yay, my first day of 21 that I'm giving up chocolate and I get handed a lovely little box of chocolate.
Of course I thanked her so much cause it was really really sweet. I gave them to Linda when I got home tonight... quickly.

Other than that hurdle the day went pretty good. Stuck to healthy eating, might have over did the starches a bit, but it balanced out. I had Booster Juice for the first time. Beat, Carrot and Apple. A nice combo. While the vast majority of stuff is undrinkable to me since it has Dairy in it, the fresh squeezed is just juice no smoothie action. It was good. I'm pretty sure I drank my fruits and veg for the day.

Had my green tea and my white, and there's this great tea shop that is in about every mall in Edmonton, and they sell these great loose leaf organic teas. So, grabbed some green tea, and this amazing smelling blue berry white tea. Hmm cant wait to try it tomorrow.

We ended up at the mall for 6 hours... Yes that's right ladies, I have a boyfriend who likes being at the mall... and we were walking around the majority of the time... I think that counts as some exercise for the day.

Well Roonie (Kitten) is demanding attention, and I have to wake yup for work tomorrow. So Night all. PS, how's the challenge coming if anyone's taking it up? Choose your teas yet? Or got your juice in?

Cheers
D

Day 21, First go, pissed with the scale!

Alright, So I'm pissed with the scale. 228.5 my ass. It's frustrating it jumps up and down at will. Okay.. So I'm just NOT going on the scale again till my next 21 is up! Cause really I'm loosing... and proof is in the measuring tape.

My Original measurements
chest 46.5
arms 15
thigh 26.5
calf 19
wast 43
hips 51

My Current Measurements
Chest 45.5 (-1)
Arms 14.25 (-.75)
Thigh 26 (-.5)
Calf 18 (-1)
Waste 41 (-2)
hips 49 (-2)

For a total loss of 7.25 inches in 21 days.

So Goals:
1. 8 glasses of H2O
2. Cup of green and white tea
3. Salad every day
4. 4 veggies, 2 fruits
5. Vits every day
6. No Chocolate
7. No coffee with all the crap in it

Day 21 ... My legs are Jelly

So what's the difference between Jam and Jelly? My legs feel like Jelly and you can ask my boyfriend if you want a crude joke :P.
Like I said I want to do the Underwear affair. So, today, I tried doing some interval jogging/walking. Let me tell you I sucked at the jogging part. However, on the treadmill, I did do 1.25 miles, in 20 mins, splitting it as 2 mins of speed walking and 2 mins of jogging. I'm gonna be impressed with myself, considering I haven't tried jogging in months and I've been on the outs with the gym.

So, I think the plan will be... get solid and good at the 2 min interval thing, then start changing the intervals, 1 min of walk, 3 mins of running. Then get to the point of jogging straight for 20 mins. And then just increase that, along with the speed. Get to the point I can run an hour straight, and try and get 10ks in that hour. 5 months, I should be able to get that in 5 months. (Crosses fingers) One of my friends said it might be pushing it, going from 0 to 10K, but I think I can do it.

Hmmm, so I've thought about my new goals.
1. My vits every day
2. Eight glasses of water every day
3. One cup green tea, one cup of white tea every day (a little experiment on my part)
4. A salad everyday (And one to enjoy, and something I can take time and make, throw cucumbers and tomatoes and all that good stuff... not just lettuce in a bowl).
5. 4 veggies, 2 fruits, every day. And stick to that. (Insert stick to that face).

Here's my continuous vice though. Chocolate. I can cut out greasy fat filled foods, I can ignore fast foods, I can order the salad with a grilled chicken breast while everyone has fries and a burger. What I can't do is say no to chocolate. And it's not just the taste, it's the glorious texture, the way it's bitter sweet, the way it melts and coats your entire mouth with the most glorious flavors. Hmmm chocolate. And I work at a place where the crap constantly goes on sale. I work at a place where customers like us and bring it to us on our b-days. And yeah, I can say no to buying the shit, but when someone else dose and says "here have some..." OMG I just... yeah... it's just... I don't know how to say no because everything in me wants to say YES!
So... maybe goal 6 21 days... No chocolate. I don't know how that's going to work... I advise everyone to take bets. Hell, I'm going to west ed and there is a Cookies by George there...and I’ve been thinking of one of their chocolate inversion cookies… that's day 1...

Maybe everyone should take bets. Post them, and maybe that'll piss me off enough to say... Oh yeah? Watch this. Who knows. Man and V-day coming up, and going... all that chocolate on sale. FML

Alright…ALRIGHT!
Goal 6. 21 days... NO chocolate.
Goal 7. Keep to the no brewed coffee

And really... I just want chocolate right now... swear it's like a drug.
Everyone tune in Tomorrow for the 21st day weigh in and measure!

Luv ya!
Dee

Day 19 Good day, and a challenge to everyone!

So, I was pretty darn good today. I don't think I got in all my veggies, but I got in some good ones.

I work in a count room at a sports dome as a second job. Tonight was a minor hockey game. Yay, but DEAD. So I spent most of my shift looking up the benefits of my favorite veggies. Everything I eat prevents cancer in some form. In fact, in general, fruits and veggies, they are good for people, and help prevent cancer. And of course I knew that, any one with a fully functioning brain should know that, but it seems like no one really does.

If you haven't seen food inc. watch it. (Keep in mind that a great deal of the horror comes from the American food industry, but there are good points to know). For the first time in human history, we are overfeeding ourselves and allowing our foods to kill us. It's sad that it's cheaper to buy a few bags of chips and a week's worth of micro meals than it is to buy a week's worth of veggies and fruit. I remember this KFC commercial a few years ago. This family walks into a grocery store with 20 bucks and mom's like okay kids go. The kids were all like, "ten pieces of chicken is how much?" "A bag of potatoes is what?" "What do you mean it's 7 bucks for a side salad?" The point of the commercial was that it was cheaper to buy KFC's 10 piece bucket meal than it was to try and make it at home. You know what? KFC was right, it is. And it's sad. Just imagine what our medical system would be like if people got in 5-10 servings of fruits and veggies a day... Not the bagged, dried, frozen, juice or sauce versions, but actual veggies, and real whole fruits. Imagine how much healthier people would be. I have always been a fan of veggies. I have always liked my processed foods too... But... less now. The last year and a half, I've become a label reader, I've been looking at salt content, I've been asking about cal count, I've been avoiding the processed garbage. And the more I avoid it, the better I feel. Go figure.

You know it only takes like a cup (three good sized chunks) of cauliflower a day to get a huge helping of your daily dose of vit A and B, and three or four cancer fighting enzymes. It's frustrating.... We don't need fields and fields of Potatoes for Lay's chips, we need fields and fields of farmland to grow veggies, to flood the market and bring down the cost for consumers.

I don't know where this rant is coming from. But there it is. I could go in depth, but... I'll stop at that.. HOWEVER, I do think everyone should know that Harper is going to talk with Obama, and the subject is standardizing food practices across the boarder. There is a roomer that is Obama's idea, and Harper is just being the polite Canadian and will hopefully say no. But people should know this. It's a horrible Idea! Canada's standard of what counts as food is MUCH higher than the states and we need to keep it that way if the States won't raise their own standards. Read up on this and write your member of parliament.

What I intended on writing tonight was, I'm thinking one of my goals for my next 21 days is going to be a cup of green and white tea every day. And... I'm gonna challenge my readers to join me in that! Yeah that's right everyone reading along... join me. 21 days of 1 cup of green tea and a cup of white tea. They are LOADED with antioxidants, and metabolism boosts, and all kinds of things that are just plain good for you. (Especially if you drink it plain).
So what say all of you? Join me? Since most of you are on my facebook, just post there. I’m already drinking a lot of white tea, and I’ll be starting officially Feb 11th for the green and white.
What’s the worst that will happen? You’ll drink some tea. That’s not so bad.

Cheers All
D

Day 18 DOWN INCHES.. WOOT!

So, I cheated a little... I measured my waste early... down 1.5 inches... hells yes.

Alright enough of that. So I'm thinking of doing the Underwear Affair. A 5k walk or a 10k run. I'm tempted to do the run... it's June 18th, so... that would be 5 months to train... I could train my body to run 10ks in 5months.. Would be a good challenge to get me more motivated. The hard part might be the doing it in my underwear in public :P

Oh god, I looked at pictures of myself from last year and before... Holy shit balls. I've done it before and I know that. But it's just.. every now and then I'm like wow... that is a ton of weight off my ass.

Hmm I think I'm gonna do it. I think I wanna do the run. I was thinking, okay, 5k walk would be okay, walking 5ks I can do. But that's the point isn't it. I know I can walk 5ks no problem, I need to challenge myself to go the distance and do the 10k run. Okay, I think that settles it... I'm gonna get a team, I'm gonna get some friends involved, and bang zoom... I'm gonna run 10ks to raise money for cancers below the belt. This girl's going jogging lady's and gents. And that's gonna mean the gym and tread mill every day. And getting back into training mode... and yeah.
And it's gonna mean in 5 months I'm gonna be in my underwear in public... And... well that'll be some motivation to drop the weight right there. Hehe, maybe I'll even Moulin Rouge and run in a corset and fishnets. Easy party wear for the the after party :P

That does it... I'm doing it. Now wear to start :P I know... bad puns are starting already

Love u all
D

Day... 17ish..

I wrecked my diet this weekend. I have to get over this emotional eating thing... CHOCOLATE is not the solution to cranky...

So here's the deal. Feb 10th is the last of this first 21day stretch. I have successfully got into the habit of drinking water every time I turn around, and eating a supreme amount of veggies. Also taking my vits every day. So, I'm happy with those. I'll weigh in, and messure on the tenth... Also, I have this lofty goal of getting some 10+ and 25lb weights, so if I can't make it to the gym I can still do some presses and squats, then still walk to the LRT.

So today's been busy though, I'm making some home made chicken soup, no added salt or crap. And I'm doing laundry, and in general keeping busy... hmm
but I'm gonna need to figur out a good plan for the next 21 days... A routine I think is what I really need..

Hmmm, I feel like I've accomplished a few things in the last 24 hours, I made an account on etsy.com cause I plan on opening a shop up. Crochet items and some funky jewelry. I just want to get a good few lots together before I post them. So now it's time to join the communities and get some ideas on promotions. I also need a cute little graphic for my shop. And a decent name that suits what I'm gonna be going for.
So... yeah.

I have a lot I want to accompish, not it's just about putting in the work. GO work! And plans... Lordy the plans. Sigh, sometimes I just exhaust myself thinking of this. I wish the energy would kick up.

Me thinks one of my goals for the next 21, a cup of green/white tea everymorning. That's pretty routine.

Cheers
D

day 15

Today was spent with the boyfriend. And it was lovely, until he threw up from eating too much and I made the discovery that I just don't find fatty, or bad for you foods as satisfying. I don't know how it happened, considering last night I was ready to head upstairs and buy a chicken burger at Rexall. But tonight we went to red lobster for date night. I know, nothing further from my diet plans in the world of sit down dinners. But that's where I had my discovery. I was gonna go for he coconut shrimp, they were out, and I was thinking the salmon, but I went with these breaded shrimps instead. And I just wasn't satisfied by the end of the meal, I wasn't happy with what I ate, I didn't even much like it... Oooh, except for the redwine vinigrette, I've discovered I like those too. Two months ago, all over that battered shrimp... I don't know, I think I've just changed my tastebuds... I think 15 days of eating an exorbinant amount of veggies has not only gotten me to like it, but has changed up my body some... bad foods rejected...
Andrew found out what happens when he eats too much, which in the five months we've been dating I havn't whitnessed... (We're that couple where I'll order something I know he'll eat too cause he's gonna be finishing it). Before we left he ended up throwing up in the parking lot.
The irony of the whole thing was, we found out while talking in the car, neither one of use really wanted to go to dinner after the movie, we were just going because we thought the other person wanted to.
It was his cheat day, so I was thinking he wanted to gorage himself. He knew I wanted a date night, so he thought I was excited about the whole thing. Not so much... I would have been good to get home after the movie and just chill before going to work. He would have been good to head home after dropping me off and had his beer and stovetop.
So, while we were always honest with eachother about practically everything, we agreed that we have to add gastrointestinal issues, and just say if we dont wanna do something.

Still 3.5lbs down.. grand total of 5.5 so yay..
Tomorrow, back on diet track, and to find a red wine dressing.

Cheers All
D

day 14,

Today was just a long ass day. Worked at both jobs, couldn't hit the gym, and at one point was so sick of veggies all I wanted was a cooked meal of some sort... HOWEVER, I jumped on the scale this morning, I'm down 3.5lbs! Oh yes.

This is short and sweet, but I am just run down so I am gonna go pass out

Love you all

D

Day 13, GREAT!

I am incredibly satisfied with today; A) at work our Easter candy came in, and omg, mini-eggs, and caramel eggs. They just have this magical over sugared smell and it was just like... omg.. so good. BUT I resisted buying them. So YAY will power!
And here's the painful thing, those delightful mini eggs are 190 cals for a little package... My asparagus omelet was in the range of 200, so, it seems kinda skewed. The caramilk egg.. again SO good, 160.... I could have a whole latte for that. So yeah, will power and lable reading, and I said no to delightful chocolate. Hmmm...

Anyways I'm also happy with today because I feel like I just kicked some serious ass at the gym. And that's always a good feeling.

Tomorrow is a hell day; meaning I get to do both jobs, and be out of the house at... 8AMish, and be home by... 1am... although I'm not actually going home... Date night.
The only thing that sucks about tomorrow... no opportunity to hit the gym.
ANYHoo

Go WILL POWER! If I can say no to chocolate, anyone can :)
Later guys!
D

Day 12, 11 went good too

Alright, So, squats... yeah... still painful as crap. But, as Andrew likes to remind me "feel the pain of discipline or the pain of regret." It works, push through, but I have to get on a better routine for the muscle work.
I FINALLY found a Vinaigrette that I like. I'm well aware that cream dressings are terrible for me, well for people in general, high cal, high fat, high sugar... but who doesn't like a good caesar salad? Well, my gut's not a fan of it with all the cheese, and added stuff. Anyways, sun dried tomato, balsamic vinaigrette. The boy and I went out for dinner after work (my lunch just wasn't that great so we hit up BPs) So yeah, tossed green salad with that dressing and my god, it was good. Now I get to find something similar. And considering they are about half the cals, it should help me enjoy my salads even more... that's the goal anyways.

Sigh, I think I have to do it. I think I have to give up my morning coffee. The coffee itself, I'm aware, not so bad... it's everything I put in the coffee. And since I'm terribly unsatisfied with the numbers on the scale (one friend keeps giving me shit for jumping on when I in my cycle, so maybe I do need to wait) I'm just not seeing the numbers go down. And to be frank, it's more important to me to be at 150lbs, than it is to have a cup of coffee or two every day.
Green tea has caffeine if I need the pick up, and if I really want coffee I can treat myself to an americano misto with sugar free caramel, get my coffee fix, get my dairy in, and not add any extra calories.
I also have to be frank with my room mate/god mum, who like to take care of me, and loves me, and likes cooking, but is in the mindset that I don't need to loose weight, that a "bacon sanny" with two huge pieces of bread, spreads of sorts (alright alright, mayo) two fried eggs, and a coffee, IS NOT a good breakfast for me.
It's cute, she watches A&E's heavy (good show), and sees like these 350+ and 500lb people, and she's like... see, you're not that big, you don't need to worry. My deal is to try and make her understand that No... I'm not 350lbs, but I'm still not at a healthy weight. There's stress on my heart, my body, my joints, because I am still in the obease range.

Here's a bit of good news though. When I started all of this, Andrew made me a little WII fit character, and my % over normal weight was like 36.6 (give or take a decimal) and last time I got on, it was 35.5, so yay... climbing down the obease latter.

I do have to remind myself I'm trying to build muscle at the same time, so maybe on feb 10th when I get out the tape measure, I'll be in a better place. Scales can be irrelevent and frustraiting... or helpful if I need to keep things in mind.. Hmm do I need that bit of dip with my veggies or should I just enjoy them on their own (I do actually like the tast of veggies).

My shoulder's look awesome though, my neck and shoulders. I'm loving it. I'm getting clavacles... and they make me happy :D (That's my what I like about myself when I look in the mirror moment.)

Oh, and I think I'm putting this out there. Here's a tip for those of you whom don't like to eat veggies... this will make a good family sized serving

1 tsp-tbls spoon of olive oil
12-18 baby carrots (depending on how many people)
1/4 head of cauliflor
1/4 white onion chopped big and chunky (really just hack it off and break the piece up)
A pinch of salt
a good hit of corse ground pepper to taste
Toss all that stuff up, toss it in a baking pan in the oven for 20-40 mins (depending on how hard or soft you like your veg) and ta-da! They taste amazing, with out adding butter, or cheese, or any other veggie maskers. The olive oil adds a ton of flavor, while only adding about 60-100 extra cals for the whole table to split.

That's my hint for the day anyways.
Luv you all !
D

Day 10... squats... as ugly as it sounds..

Squats are evil. Cruel, painful and evil. But one of the personal trainers at the club passed by me while I did them and said good job, those are hard to do. So, that gave me a little boost. :)
I thought about it whilst relaxing under some hot water, last week was a completely stress fee week. Amazing. I haven't had one of those for... well since the middle of November actually. I have been running on stress for weeks and weeks and weeks... but now... I'm good.
So Went to the gym with TJ, friend/boss from work. I'm pretty close to my 8 glasses. Had my two fruits (Raspberries in oatmeal is fan-freakin-tastic), I'm pretty close to my 4 veggies.
I cheated today though... at my job when candy has a month left before it expires we knock it down by 50% so here me and TJ are, faced with this pile of chocolate hershey bars for .65 cents... we managed to keep it to one and split it. I'm just gonna say this was a success because I LOVE chocolate, and the fact that the twoonie in my pocked would have bought two and I would have happily polished them off then and there... and I didn't... yeah... I'm gonna say success.

Anyhoo, I've taken to listing... I find it helps keep me busy, and organized... as long as I don't go overboard and hit OCD levels.
In feb a few things I want to take care of are
type up some crochet patterns
and get some stuff to put up on a crafting website, esty
make use of my new sewing machine to fix up some curtains in the house...
and properly plot out and outline a book I've been working on.
I also want to see an education counselor about going back to school.. so yeah
Lofty goals for feb.
The tenth is day 21, official weigh in and measure day. So yeah.. big month..
later guys
D

Day 9, I think

So Day 9, I'm pretty sure. Ah the absence of a few days. Well I spent most of Friday with Brik, a lot of Sat was with him too, along with work.

So, gym wasn't part of the plan, but thanks to snow plows in the area, the boy and I walked to breakfast and back. Not a short across the street walk. I'd call it brisk (well I would if he wasn't strolling though part of it :D I love you baby... he reads this).
ANY HOO
Obviously I broke my diet.. One word... booze... I broke my diet, but the weight didn't stick, so that's a good thing.

I had a fucking awesome birthday by the way. Bowling, booze, friends, a bar at the end, and having a great boyfriend stay sober and babysit me. Apparently whilst walking to the car I wasn't entirely focused and would have walked into oncoming traffic. I like to think I maintain a few of my common sense faculties when I drink myself into a stupor but I guess that's just not the case.

So as January rolls into a close, I'm thinking I did pretty good with my list of to-do's, and my goals, I sill have 13 days of this 21 to go, but like I said, habits are well on their way to being fully formed. 8 glasses of water has been a consistent check, I think I have been fairly consistent with the writing... veggies, and fruit... inconsistent, but I'm getting SOME in every day, and I have been avoiding crap.
I got all my big to-do's done, two things will be carried over. I need to see an education counselor about furthering my degree, and in theory, I want to try to read every day, and get back into writing. I hoped that getting back into my blog would help with the writing, and it gets me writing, but it's not the writing I want to be working on. I might need something to spark the juices again.

I'm gonna keep going with the goals here, and see how automatic it becomes... I even numbered the tops of my water bottles so I can keep track better... I might be getting too obsessed.

I think I'm going to add a goal for Feb though. A friend of mine, Steph, a hugely supportive friend of mine, gave me some advice to put that fat girl voice in it's place.
One of my goals, think of one really positive thing about my body, every day. Change my thinking; like she said, if I'm hating on my legs, change the mindset, think about strong they are and how they power me through my workouts.

Water
Veggies
Fruit
blog
positive thinking!

Cheers Peeps
D

Day 6 2lbs!

Okay, So I know I said to myself I would try to avoid the scale a little... Weight fluxes there's no way around that... but for the first time in a few days... (pause for dramatic emphasis) the scale fluxed down. I'm down 2lbs in 5 days. :D
Seeing the results dose pump me up quite a bit. It makes me want to keep going on the healthy path, it makes me want to get to the gym, and a it makes me want to drink the water, eat the veggies, go to the grocery store and get more and etc etc etc.

Last night, like I said, I was soar, I chose not to go to the gym... I regretted that so much. I was board to tears. I did my ball exercises and stuff. But, I really wanted that accomplished feeling of beating the elliptical, sweating it, seeing my heart rate get into that calorie burning zone, and all that jazz.

Well today I'm hitting the gym for sure. Tonight anyways. And I've got some house work to do today. I found this little website that calculated for every 15 mins of moderate house work I did, it burned 91 cals. If it's true it's comforting. Cause I got more than 15 mins of house work to do :P.
Hopefully the ice will melt and I can walk to the grocery store later today to. While I love baby carrots, I need a little variance in my veggies.

Tomorrow's my BDaY! yay, my odo's kicking over.. *shrugs* it's cool to think that last year I was 82lbs heavier. But one thing my bf's giving me is a training program for muscle work.
Squats,
Deadlifts
Kettlebell swings
pushups will be in volved.

They all sound terrible... However, the more lean muscle I can build, the more cals I will burn, and that ladies and gents is what this body needs.

Alright To Do today
Laundry
Clean floors,
tidy rooms,
clean bird cages,
go to gym
try to hit up grocery store
meet Brik at campus and have little date night thing
... that seems like enough.. (keeping in mind my other goals :P)

Cheers All
D

day 6

So, by the feel of things, more habits are sticking :) I haven't missed a beat on the vitamins in the morning, nor the 8 glasses of water, nor the 4+ veggies :).
I discovered today that some romaine lettuce with some of that clover leave flavored tuna is a great low fat salad... no dressing, no extra fats. So, yay good.
I have to get some exercise in still. There was a thin layer of deadly ice covering the ground this morning, so of course I fell on the way to work, and have a grapefruit sized bruise on my ass. Yippy. So I skipped the gym on my way home, I was a little on the soar spot still. I'm gonna do some ball work, and some weights, and that will be cool.
I had a better day then yesterday and tomorrow's gonna be even better. It can only get better.

Day 5, you be the judge..

So, I'm 2 glasses away from 8 today. And that will happen, cause I'm kinda dying right now :P (funny the more water I drink the more I want). I went the gym, but it felt somehow unsatisfying. I did 20 mins of interval work on the bike, and normally that's good. I feel good about it. But yesterday I did 20 mins of interval on the hell that is the elliptical, and felt like I really accomplished something since I end up burning and wanting die at 20 mins of steady work. So... yesterday I felt great. I kept to my diet, I even AVOIDED COOKIES again. So, stoked about that. Had a rough morning and everything, but I said to myself... "you're not ruining your diet for some fucking cookies." And I ate my carrots.
I had soft taccos tonight, but I kept the portions small, and loaded with veggies as opposed to fatty meats, and I kept two protines open and a starch, and I hadn't had my daries - so cheese was covered at least.
So, I feel like I've kept it in the acceptable range. I'm just... feeling bummed still. I'm still feeling the fat girl that I was is creeping back in.
I had a couple moments where I was squeezing... you know.. you grab a handful of gut and shudder at how much is there. I know there's way less than when I started. I know I've at least lost 12lbs since starting this blog... AND I kept it off over the Holidays.
And I know I'm doing good things for my body. So why is the fat girl, the 300lb I hate my body fat girl sneaking up in my thoughts that I'm trying to keep positive.

I had an epiphany in the shower. Maybe... maybe it's because I'm done settling. I've never been 230... well not since I was 10 and like 12 inches shorter (I'm guessing here fyi). I've never been anything under 280 for all of my fully developed teen to adult life. So maybe the reason I stopped pushing so hard... aside from life crapping on me repeadedly... is that I settled. I settled at 230. And maybe I need to re-realize that 230 is just not God Damed good enough. I lost 80lbs, I can loose another 50!
So its not good enough for me. If 230 was good enough then why the hell don't I just go back up there. It's NOT. I don't like the way I look... FINE! I'm doing something about it... Take that Fat girl...
I'm changing... my gut... not attractive... but it's gonna shrink, so no more looking in the mirror and hating it.

That's right Ladies and Gents... It's not good enough.

Day 5 and here's my pep talk... It's not good enough, it's not worth settling... I don't like it.. I'm gonna change it. And that fat girl on my shoulder... the one tell me how bad it is... Well she can just go fuck herself!

Cheers Loves!!
D

day 4... rocking success!

today was good... all my fruit, all my water, worked out. I even ignored a container full of chocolate chip cookies!
I'm so happy with how today went!

Day 3 - one habit starting to stick

So much for my grand plans yesterday. I walked passed my wall calendar and saw that I worked that night. So, no costco, no organizing my meals. But I did walk to work, to exercise got in. I also and finding it easier and easier to get the water in. 8 glasses is nothing.
Well, work to day, and hitting up gym. I read this simplified book on the metabolism. I'm gonna give this interval training thing a try, and do some weight training. And as we speak on of my coned kittens is competing for my attention against my blog, so I must go.

Cheers Everyone.
D

My 21: Day 2, Yay!

My 21: Day 2, Yay!: "So Day two was a good day. I got all my water in, I got some good toning exercise in. I got all my veggies in. Still missing out on the frui..."

Day 2, Yay!

So Day two was a good day. I got all my water in, I got some good toning exercise in. I got all my veggies in. Still missing out on the fruit, but I had a friend over for dinner and she brought dessert... so I'm glad I didn't have the fruits for the extra sugar. That's the tough thing about dieting. People who aren't. Maybe I need to reset my mind... I'm not dieting, I'm changing my lifestyle for the better.
I set another goal yesterday. March 26... I want to be 210lbs... it's nothing special, it's just a goal with a time line. I need to be this, by this date. See how well it works. Someone told me that it's like having a test, or paper due. If you don't have that due date, when to you have it done by. And it's not like I'm the type to sit there and do my paper's last min.
I have 3 early shifts next week. That's three opportunities to cross the street and hit the gym! And I'll probably head to my other gym on my days off... which will include my B-day. I see results when I go to the gym... all the time... you'd think that would motivate me to get my ass there more.
"Brik" my bf, is on his own diet. Its this "slow carb" thing... it seems to be working really well for him. Meat, veg, beans, he's happy LOL. He suggested I try it the other day. I'm kinda tempted, simply because he's dropped about 20 lbs, in something like two weeks. It's more tempting because there is a cheat day... yeah... he piled back like 7000 cals in starchy sugary goodness and booze. But the last time I went on a low carb diet I was an emotional mess. Yeah... I cried at the drop of a hat, I was moody, lashed out... It just wasn't a good thing. I'm more curious to see if this is a maintainable, consistant weight loss... and how effective the after programe is at keeping the weight off. At least what I'm trying to do is more of a maintainable lifestyle.
Costco today: yay dry goods. But I'm gonna do it. I'm just gonna grab myself two big tupper where containers, and I'm gonna put day one food in one, day two food in the second... and just pre-pack my meals. No guessing games, no did I have that already. I am just going to make it easy on myself.

Cheers Everyone Wish me luck on today!

Camera Shy doesn't cover it

I know I said pictures... But I hate pictures. I've always hated pictures. And when they had to happen you bet I read up on all the tricks to make one look slightly less fat. It's not just camera shy... it's camera; omg get it the hell away from me.
and I know that a before and after shot would probably be good for my self esteem, but I'm terrified to death that I wouldn't see the change... that It wouldn't look like change.

There's always pictures of people in their spandex underwear and such... I don't really have those, and well the beyond the fear that I won't see any change is just the fact that I'm starting to see myself as the fat girl again. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm fat, no illusions, but... when I was 310lbs it took a lot of work to not hate everything about the way I looked. And then, I started loosing weight. It was incredible. I started thinking, "hey, look, less back fat" or... "check that shit out, clavicles." I even started to think, I'm getting kinda sexy.
I even had a hilarious moment when I was at a coffee shop, and looked to my profile. I was like... holy shit has my ass always stuck out that much, and then I was like wait.. it sticks out because my back is getting flatter... THAT'S AWESOME!
But lately, I'm back to the 310lb fat girl... I've lost the ability to see the changes... and I find myself working really hard to realize that I'm missing 80lbs. I'm finding it hard to not hate everything about my body again. I'm even finding it hard to believe that I'll loose more weight. ... woot emotional confessions.
So the long and short of it is right now... No pictures.

But...
Measurements... (In inches)
Chest: 46.5
Arms: 15
Thighs: 26.5
Calf: 19
Waste: 43
Hips: 51

Congrats to me, I'm a pear shape. But that's okay, pears are delicious. We'll see what those are in 21 days.

Day one... Sucessish

Well Day one was okay is, for getting back into it I suppose I should be happy. 5 glasses of water, a bunch of veggies... solid 4 at least, only a little fruit, but I think I did okay.
Must however do something about the goodies that are always at work. If anyone's ever been in a Blockbuster... the junk food is immense... and even if I haven't bought it... someone else has. It's a share and share alike thing. And really who can say no to a big beautiful chip staring right at you. Some how I must convince myself that veggies and dip is as tasty as chips...
I mean it's getting better though. Veggies are sneaking in. We need to just take turns buying veggie trays or something.

My cats look sad... they just got fixed... and they are coned. They have lost their kitty grace and if it wasn't so funny it would be sad. Or maybe it's the other way around. Meh, they don't hate me... even though I was the one to take them to the vet. Nope, they just spend hours trying to sleep on me. I feel guilty about moving in the middle of the night.

As for today, I'm almost done 2 glasses of water and beginning the debate, eggs and toast, or oatmeal.

Loves
D

Welcome Back...

It's been a while. A very long while. Life happened to hit me like a ton of bricks. Firstly I went through this stint where no matter what I was putting in my mouth, I was ending up in doubled over pain. I couldn't move, I could barely keep from screaming, I was throwing up all the time... As it turns out... lactose intolerance... yeah it does that apparently. But for about a month all doctors were asking me was "are you sure you're not pregnant." I finally put it together myself and just asked to get tested. I miss yogurt. :(

The other stress... some family stuff... Mostly Family stuff. Too much family stuff... My mom over dosed on morphine. Yeah, she was addicted to morphine - but it was a prescription from a doctor, so she was thinking... hey it's okay that I'm a drug addict. Years of begging didn't work, she wouldn't stop, and it finally came to a head. She spent a week in university hospital's psyc ward. Then after a few weeks of her being home, she goes nuts again. She spent ten days bouncing from hospital to hospital, begging for drugs, and in a delusional state. It's a long a painful story... but now she's in Alberta hospital... mental health place... she's still delusional, and she's still the biggest stress in my life.
I love her, but I'm thinking I need to cut her loose. Not forever, but she's phoning and harassing me, telling me stories about the police and nurses beating her up... and she's begging for drugs... she thinks me and my boy friend of... 4 months have a baby girl... and it's just a nightmare... I need some selfish time. I need to get back to me... I need to get my life back. I was most focused when I was writing a little here and there.

So back to goals... Back to weight loss... Back to getting myself better... and back to keeping myself away from depression.

So goals... 21 days of getting healthier!

On the plus side, for those of you who were following, I started this blog at 242lbs.. Today, it's 229.5LBs... and I didn't gain a pound over christmas! Always a good thing.

So. here's the goals for the next 21 days -

8 glasses of water
Write on my blog
4-5 veggies
2-3 fruits
and of course exercise. I bout an exercise ball and I've decided I love bouncing on it... my legs hate me though.

This time I am putting up some before pics. They'll be posted soon.
And again... for all the followers... yeah I played let's get rid of cloths when I hit 230.

Day one so far...
Exercise Check
and I'm on 3rd glass of water.

When I get it, I'll end up posting my boyfriend's blog up here too... he's on this slow carb thing... he's loosing a good amount of weight too.

Cheers ALL