Okay, so they say April showers bring May flowers. Well I've been through a Sh*tstorm and down pour.
April:
- Andrew dumps me (things are extremely complicated) and the emotional hailstorm therein.
- My mom pulls a ton of crap with the whole moving out thing, like wanting her stuff at all hours of the night, like not contacting us to get a time to come pick things up, like not coming to get her stuff when her and Linda had agreed, like demanding family heirlooms that were willed to me - and she would sell in a heart beat of money got tight and she couldn't afford a purse (bitter much).
- I owe money on my income tax because of issues I have never come up against before
- I'm out two grand because Linda got screwed over with her own medical insurance when she was off sick for surgery (she will pay it back, I know that it's just hurting right now).
And... well... yeah...
So all of this culminated into an attitude that left me miserable, and uncaring towards myself. I am so sick and tired of fighting, and busting myself to the bone, and working so hard for everything and still coming up short. I can't even go out and buy something as stupid as a bike that I have been itching to get for the better part of 2 years. There's always something that comes up, there's always some battle to fight. And For this month, I just stopped caring. You know what that mean? It means I gave little to no care to myself.
So here I am, cranky, tired, miserable, and 214... again.
May first is rolling around, and I am doing 21 days straight of good habits. I want to feel better, have energy again. I am going to figure out a way to make 600-900 bucks fast so I can treat myself for hard bloody work and get my bike. And yeah. (anyone need any work done? lol)
I started to plant my wants garden even before April hit. And well with all the rain I'm just hoping for some sprouts to pop.
This is whats been going on. This is why the blogs stopped for a bit. And. Well... this is me getting accountable again. Tomorrow, measurements. Weight. Day one... all over again.
Cheers
D
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Something I'm thinking about
So, woot, cheat day... it's not really a big deal any more. I may revamp my goals. Or start fresh on Sat. This has been a rocky week.
What did I have yesterday,
2 eggs (150)
olive oil (150)
wooster sauce (50)
3 or 4 (I cubed a a small chunk) back bacon (75)
4 oz pork tenderloin (150)
baby carrots (45)
almonds (sahale honey roasted ones) (600)
Giving me a total of about 1220. Give or take. I wanna cook a turkey today... if there's time. That way... More soup broth, lean protein for the week, and it's just easy. And Easy works for me.
It's a question of time. Seeing Andrew today. I want to go to the gym. I have an appointment to get my taxes done.
I could skip the actual work out at the gym. Walk home from the LRT, and do some ball work outs.
I could also go the gym tonight. Gold's is 24 hours.
I could do that. That might work. Cause I know I probably won't do it other wise. And I'm all happy with my progress. So... yeah.
Hmm So much for a day off. I gotta say.
I've been thinking of starting an email news letter with Diet plans, tips, time savers, recipes, that sort of thing. One of my friends out here said that she'd be into helping too. .50 cents an issue, could be rather lucrative.
"New You" in your inbox today :P
Any ways
Wish me luck everyone.
Dee
What did I have yesterday,
2 eggs (150)
olive oil (150)
wooster sauce (50)
3 or 4 (I cubed a a small chunk) back bacon (75)
4 oz pork tenderloin (150)
baby carrots (45)
almonds (sahale honey roasted ones) (600)
Giving me a total of about 1220. Give or take. I wanna cook a turkey today... if there's time. That way... More soup broth, lean protein for the week, and it's just easy. And Easy works for me.
It's a question of time. Seeing Andrew today. I want to go to the gym. I have an appointment to get my taxes done.
I could skip the actual work out at the gym. Walk home from the LRT, and do some ball work outs.
I could also go the gym tonight. Gold's is 24 hours.
I could do that. That might work. Cause I know I probably won't do it other wise. And I'm all happy with my progress. So... yeah.
Hmm So much for a day off. I gotta say.
I've been thinking of starting an email news letter with Diet plans, tips, time savers, recipes, that sort of thing. One of my friends out here said that she'd be into helping too. .50 cents an issue, could be rather lucrative.
"New You" in your inbox today :P
Any ways
Wish me luck everyone.
Dee
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Woot! 211 this morning!
Alright, so, I hit the scale out of blatant curiosity, yay pay off. 211lbs. That's 1.5 less than when I left for Vancouver, so, any weight gain has come off and then some. Yippee!
My short term goals are, 200 by May 19th, and 196 by June 8th. I know those seem pretty random... but hey... It gives me a solid date to look at.
My short term goals are, 200 by May 19th, and 196 by June 8th. I know those seem pretty random... but hey... It gives me a solid date to look at.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I kicked my workout's ass.
So, obviously feeling blah today. I had to talk myself into going to the gym... so easy to say, I'll just walk home, I'm going grocery shopping, that'll be my exercise.
SO glad I went. Kicked it's ass. Interval elliptical 28 mins... woot 300 cals burned. And, very happy, I had to go up to more weights for my bench press. Was doing 33, had to go up to 38 to be challenged. 5lbs in 3 workouts... yay! Love seeing results. And for the most part... stuck to my diet. Had 1/2 a cookie. And, aside from pickles, I didn't really get veggies in today. Hmm.. I need to re-work the tomato soup. Upon attempting to eat it today... I realized A) to sweet (i put in a little bit of brown sugar to cut the acid) and B) still too thick. I should have let the onions do their job and left it stewing for a bit I guess. But it's got a nice smokey after taste because I broiled some sun dried tomato bits and they got a little crispy (blackened). And that turned into a good accident. So... maybe after a little more experimenting this might workout. If it does I figured out a tomato soup recipe that's about 50 cals a cup. :)
Don't much feel like delving into personal stuff today. But, things are looking better.
Love you all
Dee
SO glad I went. Kicked it's ass. Interval elliptical 28 mins... woot 300 cals burned. And, very happy, I had to go up to more weights for my bench press. Was doing 33, had to go up to 38 to be challenged. 5lbs in 3 workouts... yay! Love seeing results. And for the most part... stuck to my diet. Had 1/2 a cookie. And, aside from pickles, I didn't really get veggies in today. Hmm.. I need to re-work the tomato soup. Upon attempting to eat it today... I realized A) to sweet (i put in a little bit of brown sugar to cut the acid) and B) still too thick. I should have let the onions do their job and left it stewing for a bit I guess. But it's got a nice smokey after taste because I broiled some sun dried tomato bits and they got a little crispy (blackened). And that turned into a good accident. So... maybe after a little more experimenting this might workout. If it does I figured out a tomato soup recipe that's about 50 cals a cup. :)
Don't much feel like delving into personal stuff today. But, things are looking better.
Love you all
Dee
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Almost a success...comfort food made its way in...
Dumped.. fucking dumped and as I write this down I'm angry as hell. Because he didn't want to communicate and let something I said fester and piss him off. And I'm Up and down... I really am. Sad, yes. But angry is easier to deal with.
2 hours ago...
So, After just getting dumped, I’m having a strange reaction. It’s not so much the sadness of getting dumped. I’m sad for the times we won’t have. In my mind I was making plans for the summer. For his birthday. For going to Capital Ex together. For driving to BC together. Going camping with him. Those are the saddest things, the things I’m probably going to miss the most. A strange thing, I think I want to keep him in my life. I’d like to be friends. Gaming with him is fun, watching movies is fun. But, I wanted to be that couple at the fair. I wanted so much to show him around Vancouver. I wanted him to show me his home. Part of me isn’t surprised it’s over. No one in my life who knew him liked him. But, Oh I don’t know… this happened less than 2 hours ago so maybe I’m still fresh. I think I need to prepare for the roller coaster.
Now there’s little left to do but clean up, and… Well, that’s it isn’t it. Maybe I’ll make soup tonight.
And now... 4 hours later, after I’ve made soup, so far, I’ve figured out… whenever people who love me ask me how I’m doing… that’s when I start crying… I don’t know why.
I think I can be forgiven for going into comfort food mode. Chinese for dinner courtesy of Linda
2 hours ago...
So, After just getting dumped, I’m having a strange reaction. It’s not so much the sadness of getting dumped. I’m sad for the times we won’t have. In my mind I was making plans for the summer. For his birthday. For going to Capital Ex together. For driving to BC together. Going camping with him. Those are the saddest things, the things I’m probably going to miss the most. A strange thing, I think I want to keep him in my life. I’d like to be friends. Gaming with him is fun, watching movies is fun. But, I wanted to be that couple at the fair. I wanted so much to show him around Vancouver. I wanted him to show me his home. Part of me isn’t surprised it’s over. No one in my life who knew him liked him. But, Oh I don’t know… this happened less than 2 hours ago so maybe I’m still fresh. I think I need to prepare for the roller coaster.
Now there’s little left to do but clean up, and… Well, that’s it isn’t it. Maybe I’ll make soup tonight.
And now... 4 hours later, after I’ve made soup, so far, I’ve figured out… whenever people who love me ask me how I’m doing… that’s when I start crying… I don’t know why.
I think I can be forgiven for going into comfort food mode. Chinese for dinner courtesy of Linda
Monday, April 11, 2011
At last Success!
Alright, So I am on day 2. Day one, rockin' success. Day two, again success. Although, I've decided I hate eggs without catchup. I ran out before my vaca to Van, and still haven't bothered to replace it. I'm sure if I read the ingredients some sort of soy or corn product would be in there. Thinking of making my own to be honest. I have an obscene amount of tomato paste. I'm also thinking of making some tomato soup. Hmmm, soup. The question, what to put in it. Ever read the ingredients lists on soup? Blah.
But, slow roasted onion and herb tomato soup sounds kinda good. Hmmm... If I wasn't so tired I'd be feeling the need to experiment.
But speaking of soup, made the best roasted veggie chicken soup last night. SOOO good. I'm not sure what to think of the fact that I love my cooking. I'm just gonna enjoy.
Maybe one day I'll just give up the goat and write a cook book. Hmmmmm. I should start writing this down to be fair. But I cheated a little. I bought two of those rotisserie chickens the night I came back from Van, I knew I wouldn't want to cook over the weekend considering it was, open, open, open + hell day (Worked both jobs), open again. So, I decide to strip the chicken from the bone, Linda boiled the heck out of the carcasses and the broth was great. I roasted up some veggies and used some of the chicken breast.. and wow. SO good. Hmmm soup.
Now I wanna make that tomato soup. *Looks at the clock* Maybe wed.
Any hoo, I'm able to keep my days to about 1000 ish calories, give or take. I think that's probably okay, considering I'm still gonna be throwing in a cheat day. I think I'm gonna need to pick up some butter so I can do some baking, and have decent cookies on Friday. I still love the Safeway cookies... but the ingredient list is like... 4inches long. Sigh.
Actually on the bright side, Andrew and I are going wandering on Whyte Ave tomorrow night. There's a planet organic there. Maybe I can pick up some healthy treats and ignore them until Friday.
I also have a new weight goal to obtain in the next two months (160 is my long term goal). I'm aiming for 196 in two months. At that weight I will no longer be in the obese category of the bmi! Two months. 196. That should be pretty reasonable. I'm also planning a trip to my doctor. I'd love to find out my cholesterol numbers. And a few other things.
Anyhoo
Cheers everyone!
But, slow roasted onion and herb tomato soup sounds kinda good. Hmmm... If I wasn't so tired I'd be feeling the need to experiment.
But speaking of soup, made the best roasted veggie chicken soup last night. SOOO good. I'm not sure what to think of the fact that I love my cooking. I'm just gonna enjoy.
Maybe one day I'll just give up the goat and write a cook book. Hmmmmm. I should start writing this down to be fair. But I cheated a little. I bought two of those rotisserie chickens the night I came back from Van, I knew I wouldn't want to cook over the weekend considering it was, open, open, open + hell day (Worked both jobs), open again. So, I decide to strip the chicken from the bone, Linda boiled the heck out of the carcasses and the broth was great. I roasted up some veggies and used some of the chicken breast.. and wow. SO good. Hmmm soup.
Now I wanna make that tomato soup. *Looks at the clock* Maybe wed.
Any hoo, I'm able to keep my days to about 1000 ish calories, give or take. I think that's probably okay, considering I'm still gonna be throwing in a cheat day. I think I'm gonna need to pick up some butter so I can do some baking, and have decent cookies on Friday. I still love the Safeway cookies... but the ingredient list is like... 4inches long. Sigh.
Actually on the bright side, Andrew and I are going wandering on Whyte Ave tomorrow night. There's a planet organic there. Maybe I can pick up some healthy treats and ignore them until Friday.
I also have a new weight goal to obtain in the next two months (160 is my long term goal). I'm aiming for 196 in two months. At that weight I will no longer be in the obese category of the bmi! Two months. 196. That should be pretty reasonable. I'm also planning a trip to my doctor. I'd love to find out my cholesterol numbers. And a few other things.
Anyhoo
Cheers everyone!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Garbage is a nice way of putting it
So today, it's like a hangover mixed with pms. I'm gassy, bloated, and have raging heart burn. I'm blaming the lousy cookies. I know I get like this, I do. I know when I eat excessively bad I feel like garbage. And yet, it's barely enough to motivate me to stop. Kinda sad huh? Also today, tired as all heck, and cranky too. A few issues at work and a cranky customer didn't help matters at all. And a few drunk texts gave me a wake up at 1:30 am. Couldn't fall back asleep, so, that's really not helping. I'm gonna be at work forever and a half tonight. Gar... I added some chicken and an egg to breakfast, putting me at about 1000 cals for the day, provided I eat what I brought to work for lunch... I feel like such a pile of mushy, gelatenous, bloated unhappy, I don't know that I want to eat. I always hate bloogging like this. Makes me feel like some self indulgent teenager. Blah, Blah, Blah, whine, whine, whine. I don't mean to be like this... I'm just playing the self pitty I feel like ick game. Gah. Tomorrow, happier... Promise Cheers D
Friday, April 8, 2011
Apparently day one starts tomorrow
Dorian brought cookies. If he had bought a bag of chocolate, or chips, I could have resisted. But no, he brought Safeway cookies. Safeway cookies are amazing. Also, I read the ingredients on Margarine; soy lectin. Whatever that is. It's an additive, exactly what I want to avoid. So, eggs will be cooked with olive oil from now on. Blah.
It's harder to do it the second time around. I can say that much. Tempted, tempted, tempted. So, today, I gave in. M&M cookie. And those bruisers are not small. And they are generous on something cause the calorie count is insane. I mean, all cookies are bad, but 270 per? I think I've made bigger meals with less calories. I did go to the gym, so, yay. I have that to be happy about. Alright, let's be honest with what I ate today.
3 scrambled eggs (240)
1/2 tbs marg (45)
2.5 cups lettuce (25)
Dressing, (home made balsamic vinaigrette) (90)
4oz chicken (147) (breast no skin)
1 cup baby carrots (30)
1 cup cauliflower (25)
M&M cookie (270)
Chocolate Chip Cookie (270)
Double chocolate chip cookie (270) (Yup... I ate three, self control out the window)
chicken leg with thigh (232) (I bought two of those rotisserie chickens so I wouldn't have to cook when I got home for a few meals, and make chicken broth when I was done with them)
2 cups snap peas (70)
Olive oil (80)
Grand total: 1794
My bmr is approx 2000
Exercise approx -200
Which still gives me a total calorie deficit of -406 calories.
So, when I do the math... I feel slightly less bad about coming in under 2000 cals, but still feel like a tool for eating the cookies. The first one was because I was starving, the second one was because I gave into my lousy emotional eating (my mom, the bat-crap crazy one, used my phone number as her contact number... I think I'm justified in changing my number), and the third, well that one I just wanted. So, yeah tool.
If you can't tell... guess what I'm doing.. that's right, food journal! Woot (dripping with sarcasm). Ah well, I'm looking at this and feeling more than slightly embarrassed about my cookie debacle, and I just felt stupid this morning for not reading the label for the marg. All in all, I fail, with an added derp moment.
Tomorrow is another day. At the gym I did a good solid interval run/walk for 30 mins, and weights. Happy about that.
If all goes as predicted, and I have no opportunity to cheat,
2 scrambled eggs (145)
Olive oil (40)
3 cups lettuce (30)
chicken breast (147)
Dressing (90)
3 pickles (9)
2 cups baby carrots (60)
1 cup cauliflower (25)
4 hard boiled eggs (312)
= 852. Now I'm thinking I may want to pick up some nuts to make up for the calorie deficit. This honestly a pain in the tuck-us. I need to worry about intake no matter what I do. Too many and of the wrong thing = fat. To few no matter what it is = starvation mode = fat. Lord. Grrr. Okay, I'll grab some peanuts on the way into work... or the way home from work... or maybe I'll just worry about it sunday. Grumbles. HELP!
Love ya'll
Dee
It's harder to do it the second time around. I can say that much. Tempted, tempted, tempted. So, today, I gave in. M&M cookie. And those bruisers are not small. And they are generous on something cause the calorie count is insane. I mean, all cookies are bad, but 270 per? I think I've made bigger meals with less calories. I did go to the gym, so, yay. I have that to be happy about. Alright, let's be honest with what I ate today.
3 scrambled eggs (240)
1/2 tbs marg (45)
2.5 cups lettuce (25)
Dressing, (home made balsamic vinaigrette) (90)
4oz chicken (147) (breast no skin)
1 cup baby carrots (30)
1 cup cauliflower (25)
M&M cookie (270)
Chocolate Chip Cookie (270)
Double chocolate chip cookie (270) (Yup... I ate three, self control out the window)
chicken leg with thigh (232) (I bought two of those rotisserie chickens so I wouldn't have to cook when I got home for a few meals, and make chicken broth when I was done with them)
2 cups snap peas (70)
Olive oil (80)
Grand total: 1794
My bmr is approx 2000
Exercise approx -200
Which still gives me a total calorie deficit of -406 calories.
So, when I do the math... I feel slightly less bad about coming in under 2000 cals, but still feel like a tool for eating the cookies. The first one was because I was starving, the second one was because I gave into my lousy emotional eating (my mom, the bat-crap crazy one, used my phone number as her contact number... I think I'm justified in changing my number), and the third, well that one I just wanted. So, yeah tool.
If you can't tell... guess what I'm doing.. that's right, food journal! Woot (dripping with sarcasm). Ah well, I'm looking at this and feeling more than slightly embarrassed about my cookie debacle, and I just felt stupid this morning for not reading the label for the marg. All in all, I fail, with an added derp moment.
Tomorrow is another day. At the gym I did a good solid interval run/walk for 30 mins, and weights. Happy about that.
If all goes as predicted, and I have no opportunity to cheat,
2 scrambled eggs (145)
Olive oil (40)
3 cups lettuce (30)
chicken breast (147)
Dressing (90)
3 pickles (9)
2 cups baby carrots (60)
1 cup cauliflower (25)
4 hard boiled eggs (312)
= 852. Now I'm thinking I may want to pick up some nuts to make up for the calorie deficit. This honestly a pain in the tuck-us. I need to worry about intake no matter what I do. Too many and of the wrong thing = fat. To few no matter what it is = starvation mode = fat. Lord. Grrr. Okay, I'll grab some peanuts on the way into work... or the way home from work... or maybe I'll just worry about it sunday. Grumbles. HELP!
Love ya'll
Dee
Thursday, April 7, 2011
back and rightfully scared of my scale
Hey all,
Well I'm back from my fantastic trip to Vancouver, and what a wonderful time I had, connecting with friends, family, and...food. I cheated... and how. I had the lofty goal of not being absolutely terrible on my trip. But alas, that didn't go so well. I had a few good meals. I opted for salad, veggies, and lean proteins where I could. But, there were a few extra starches here and there, some indulgences at Starbucks, soy chi lattes, and this amazing peanut butter chocolate pie. OMG worth it.
So now, I am taking a friend's advices (Steph's as usual - she's good at it) and I'm not going on the scale till next Friday. I'm going back on my protein and veggie plan hard, and I have the lofty goal of cutting soy and corn additives for the next 21 days. That pretty much eliminates 90% of what's in the grocery stores. No Kraft peanut butter for 21 days... that's for sure. It means no to a lot of things, and on my cheat days, it means fruit and home baking. I tried to do no processed foods, but then the debate became what counts as a processed food. I'd personally like to think whole wheat flour and coco (actual baker's coco) powder is not considered a processed food, but that could just be wishful thinking so I can make cookies on my cheat day. I personally think of processed foods as those "foods" with more additives in the ingredients list than real food, but Andrew argued grinding coco nibs is a process... ergo processed food. Please feel free to weigh in. I mean he's right, but, I'd personally like to be able to eat natural peanut butter and make cookies for Fridays.
So... day 1 of 21 starts tomorrow... No starting weight.. or measurements. It'll just have to be based on my last. Although I'll be on the scale next Friday... so that will be something to go on. I'm also gonna do a detox... see how that goes. I've never done one before, so we'll see how that goes.
I had a moment while reading a running mag... I've lost like 100lbs. My body must be so fecking happy. :)
Okay, so goals:
Water (I fell outta the habit) 8 glasses
No corn/soy additives.
No more grazing while making lunch/dinner. I'm bad for that.
Cheers All
D
Well I'm back from my fantastic trip to Vancouver, and what a wonderful time I had, connecting with friends, family, and...food. I cheated... and how. I had the lofty goal of not being absolutely terrible on my trip. But alas, that didn't go so well. I had a few good meals. I opted for salad, veggies, and lean proteins where I could. But, there were a few extra starches here and there, some indulgences at Starbucks, soy chi lattes, and this amazing peanut butter chocolate pie. OMG worth it.
So now, I am taking a friend's advices (Steph's as usual - she's good at it) and I'm not going on the scale till next Friday. I'm going back on my protein and veggie plan hard, and I have the lofty goal of cutting soy and corn additives for the next 21 days. That pretty much eliminates 90% of what's in the grocery stores. No Kraft peanut butter for 21 days... that's for sure. It means no to a lot of things, and on my cheat days, it means fruit and home baking. I tried to do no processed foods, but then the debate became what counts as a processed food. I'd personally like to think whole wheat flour and coco (actual baker's coco) powder is not considered a processed food, but that could just be wishful thinking so I can make cookies on my cheat day. I personally think of processed foods as those "foods" with more additives in the ingredients list than real food, but Andrew argued grinding coco nibs is a process... ergo processed food. Please feel free to weigh in. I mean he's right, but, I'd personally like to be able to eat natural peanut butter and make cookies for Fridays.
So... day 1 of 21 starts tomorrow... No starting weight.. or measurements. It'll just have to be based on my last. Although I'll be on the scale next Friday... so that will be something to go on. I'm also gonna do a detox... see how that goes. I've never done one before, so we'll see how that goes.
I had a moment while reading a running mag... I've lost like 100lbs. My body must be so fecking happy. :)
Okay, so goals:
Water (I fell outta the habit) 8 glasses
No corn/soy additives.
No more grazing while making lunch/dinner. I'm bad for that.
Cheers All
D
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